the pessimistic optimist ♥

hello 2012. so far looking good.

2012-01-09T03:00:00.003+13:00

I've been lazy. actually. I am lazy. But I keep to my word. So I am doing something I should've been doing 2 years ago.

A few things I have been thankful for.
As a mission for myself and Robin, we've decided to write a few things that we have been thankful for over the week at the end of each week.
I realise that these posts will grow increasingly mundane... but I think its a nice gesture to exercise. I really hope I will continue this through the year.

so for the first week of 2012.

I am thankful for...(in no particular order)

-having such an enjoyable road trip up to 90mile beach. I expected some of the chaos from the last road trip to recur, but thankfully we were extremely tame and even got to do a lot of exploring around the north!

-for having an amazing friend like Jeanny who let me sleep over at her house after road trip (my brother texted me that day telling me to come home since he was having a sleep over :( ), the bed I slept on was amazing... it cradled my back PERFECTLY. best sleep I've had in a long time.

-for making Jeanny watch 2 movies in a row with me, first Drive and then Melancholia. Watching the both of us sob like retards as the credits rolled for Melancholia made the film feel so much more real and amazing and truly made me appreciate having such an awesome friend to sit there and cry with me. there's nothing like crying together to bring friends to a whole new level of friendship. :)

-For having a retarded brother that reminds me to turn off the bathroom light every time I forget to.

-For my amazing grandmother.... for yelling at me everyday to clean my room, but at the same time waking up early every morning to make sure I wake up on time for work and making sure I have something to eat/drink before I leave. Words cannot express my love for you.

-For my retarded workmates at Farmers. Thank you for making work bearable, making indian jokes with me and helping me deal with dumbass difficult customers. I dont know half the things we laugh about at work, but it never ceases to make my night.

-And finally. but thank you Wenyu for investing in a phone card so I can randomly call a certain retarded someone overseas. I'm just happy that even though he is so far away I can contact him. :) and at risk of him reading this I am going to stop gushing now.

okay. thats seven right?
Yeah they don't have any particular deeper meaning to them. And as I was writing this I realised that there's actually a lot of things I have to be thankful for... I simply cant fit it all into a single blog post. But there is still one huge thing that I have to be thankful for that I havent managed to fit up there. And that is God.

Hi God...
I know I have been distant this past year and there were so many times when I should've depended on you but I selfishly decided to rely on myself instead. Thank you so much... for everything. 2010 was a horrible year, in fact the worst I've had in years... and I wept to you everyday about it. Then came 2011 and it was actually amazing. You gave me hope and opportunities I would have never thought possible. I've been gifted with such amazing friends and more family. I've been gifted with tools. Yet never this year have I properly thanked you for it. In fact everything was going so well, I pretty much forgot to talk to you at all. So I guess I'm going to use this time to say sorry and thank you. For being there through the good times and the bad. This year I will work harder in putting you in the center of my life. I realise now I have to work harder to become a better christian, so I can show others the positive influence you have on my life. :) And I should never be afraid to admit that I love you because your love is the reason why there is good this world. You loved us so that we could love others. Also thank you for helping our youth group grow physically and spiritually this year and I hope you continue to use us to shine your light onto others.

Okay before I continue rambling forever... I should stop here.
damn its almost 4am. and I am still up writing this damned post while watching football with Wey.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME.... *____*

why, hello there.

2011-12-13T03:09:00.005+13:00

its 3am. I've got work the next day and I want to go to sleep but instead all I can think about is this damned blog. I know I have long abandoned it, but something inside me is pulling me back.

My moment of blogging was brief and pretty uneventful for the most part, but it served its purpose. As a tool for reminiscing... and for that I am immensely grateful.
But then I look back at the gap that was 2010 and 2011, and I realised that without any written proof, it's like it almost didn't exist.

Okay.
that sounds extremely ridiculously dramatic. But when I mean it doesnt exist, I don't mean that a chunk of my life was swallowed by some rupture in the space time continuum, or that I randomly lost my memory or anything like that.

But rather I lost that spark, the trigger.

Everytime I read a blog post, it pulls me back to that time, it reminds me of the way things once were.

Its kind of like whenever I walk into an internet cafe, the smell of a dozen computers over heating from a day of heavy usage, mixed with the smell of sweaty asians, carefully concealed by the comforting smell of some sort of generic air freshener, packed into a tightly concealed windowless room, never ceases to reminds me of my first homestay's room. I remember walking in there for the first time. He was attempting to show me how to play Counter Strike. I think I was 12. I ventured into his room only to be hit by this particular smell. It was so distinct that I remember it to this day.

So what does that have to do with blogging?

to be honest, everything and nothing.
well like most things that relate to time, the point of all this babbling about ourselves is written and based purely on the fact that we know one day, in the near or distant future, we will look back at this post and remember something we have long forgotten.
Maybe a memory, or rather a memory of how we once used to be. We read in hopes of seeing if we've grown or matured in these past years, or in worst cases to see how far we've fallen from our prior selves. Either way, there's something nice about trying to keep track of your life.

For instance, now, I regret not keeping track of 2010, because that was when I had my first serious relationship. I wish I could've seen its high's and low's and maybe would've been able to pinpoint where it all began to crumble. I just hope I don't make the same mistakes.

And actually after much thought, I guess that's why Facebook did that whole timeline thing.
apart from the fact it makes it some much easier to fb stalk people.
(oh joy were the days of clicking older posts 20 times)
but it gives people a chance to reminisce on their lives, and I guess thats the point of keeping an online blog or anything tbh. So that we can just sit there and reminisce and see how much we've changed physically and mentally.

To be honest, re reading the past few years, I dont think much has changed within me. Except now, I may be possibly a little more optimistic than I was a pessimist. Perhaps its now time to call myself a Optimistic Pessimist.

And good God, after all these years of not writing, I sound terrible.

oh well.

practise makes perfect.

Funny thing is, I always find myself blogging around December. I guess its when we're most free.

oh shit. now the birds are bloody chirping. guess thats my cue to sleep.
Good night world.
I hope to see you again soon. :)

jokes.

2011-03-09T22:41:00.002+13:00

hey to whomever still bothers reading blogs. mine in particular.

which i have successfully managed to neglect for nearly 2 years.

what can i say about these past 2 years?

its been absolute shit in too many areas. but.. surprisingly an absolute wonder in others.

anywho.

this is just an update to say.

i have moved... for those who bother to follow..

i am now going to attempt tumblr. it probably wont last more than 2 days.

but im going to try.

when i have the chance.

its something i made a while back. then sorta forgot about. then sorta remembered again?

either way.

here it is.

thingsthatdontexist.tumblr.com

stalk me if you want.

oh wow.

2010-06-21T22:18:00.003+12:00

I have not blogged. since well, last year.

I remember thinking to myself on so many occasions "oh this would be fun to blog about, oh this would be cool to share" but in the end... I never did.

I'm not quite sure why I stopped writing..

Ii'd like to think it was because I felt content with life and did not feel the need to rant it out to the wide world of the internet.. but of course that would mean the cause of my return is because I once again feel discontent with my life.

neither is true.

I suppose I stopped blogging, merely because, as most humans tend to do with things, well... I simply had forgotten about it.

I had completed my goal of continuously blogging for a year, therefore it was only natural for this to happen.

it was like my fanfiction phase. Once I had started, it was hard to stop, I was completely enthralled with it. But once I had posted my first chapter, I found it hard to carry on.

I suppose this is one of my greatest downfalls. Simply that lack of motivation to keep striving, staying on track. I guess its why I am such a great procrastinator.

Sometimes I wish I just had better motivation, to strive, to want to achieve large goals in my life. But alas, I hide behind my supposed pessimistic mask, and become my very own barrier.

Wow.

this is exactly why I loved blogging, just a few minutes of ranting and I've already come to face one of my biggest flaws.

which reminds me of a story, that I had promised myself to post immediately on a blog as I was so afraid of forgetting the story...

sadly, I did not get around to writing a blog about it, nor do I remember the story as clearly as I did. But since I'm here. I might as well try.

So, as I was meeting with my diversion officer (as I had completely ... "killed?" my beloved car.. in an unfortunate car accident in which I had to go to court and plead guilty but luckily I am allowed to plead for diversion so that it does not get written into my record)

the officer that I met with turned out to be an extremely kind and gentle man, which was quite a juxtaposition when in contrast to the way he looked. He was a large man, bald, with one eye patched up, in fact he looked like a character off kill bill. Either way, I was pleasantly surprised at just how.. pleasant he turned out to be.

after talking me through all things I had to do to get diversion.. he asked me what I wanted to do in life..

Now this question, being in Year 13 now, is probably one of the most asked questions by any individual, adult, or friend around me, and to be honest, I was beginning to hate it. I hated watching their looks of anticipation, especially with my parents friends, as they expected something great like a doctor, engineer or a lawyer, so most of the time I would simply answer with an extremely vague "I don't know yet." [insert forced smile here]

But occasionally, I would tell them the truth and tell them another vague answer, but slightly more specific, "I want to be an artist.. a designer.. I guess." which was what I told this diversion officer. Rather than getting usual nod of "ahh.. umm.. well.. that sounds.. lovely" he simply gave me a deep smile and told me. "ahh... I've got a story to tell you."

Now, if I could remember these stories of his, I would definitely try to retell them... but alas my memory fails me and I believe that my retelling would hardly do the man justice. I guess, as cliched as his stories were, they gave a sense of hope to me.

in a nutshell, his stories were all about different individuals that had a goal or talent in their lives, in which they spent the rest of their years after school or uni striving for it. and after lots of hard work and dedication, they were living the good life, doing what they loved most.

thinking about it now, it is terribly cliched. in fact, overheard.

but..

the way he... explained it.. just felt... well made me feel hopeful. in an extremely childish way. he made me believe that if I really wanted this future for myself, I would be successful.

he told me, there will always be people better than you, but if you think like that, you are only limiting yourself.

if you have a dream, and work hard to do your best at achieving it. you will achieve it.

quite a simple goal really..

have a dream. and work hard to achieve it...

I dont know... sometimes, I just feel so unstable and unsafe pursuing this art dream of mine. and the problem is... I still really dont have any idea as to what I really want to do, or achieve...

all I do know is I want to create things, that aesthetically please.. myself and others.

I guess, you just need confidence in yourself, confidence that you have the willpower to achieve your goals..

sigh.

I dont know.. all this thinking about the future is giving me a headache.. although I have a feeling this headache is more from my declining eye sight in one eye.

which gives me something to blog about next time.

i'm not quite sure what I've achieved from this massive rant.. but I do feel, quite relieved for getting it off my chest.

This will be fun to read over in the future.

anyways. I'm off to do more media woork.

goodnight world. :D

oh yes. and I changed the layout of my blog..

guess I was bored and felt like a change in scenery.

that bright blue was becoming a bit much..

in contrast to yesterday...

2009-12-23T21:39:00.003+13:00

something.

amazing.

happened today while i was working.

some lady came up to me, and gave me a TWO DOLLAR TIP!!!

yes. someone actually thought i was being a capable waitress and decided to tip me!!!

i mean. its about time! haha.

but no. really... when it happened..

i was genuinely surprised.. but extremely flattered.

to think that someone actually took notice of the work you'd been doing to tip you..

the most surprising thing of it all was that i had barely done anything for the woman.

at most, i had given her some tea... and soup.

but.. really? thats what we do immediately for anyone that comes in.

hardly a special act worthy of being tipped two dollars.

to be honest. when i had first given the lady the soup.

she had kind of looked at me in a scary way. and actually said no to one of the two soups i had been carrying..

so damn. i must've been something right.

on a slightly completely different note.

today, as i was catching the half past 8 bus back home from work, sitting in my usual fetal position, ipod plugged into my ears and all,

i realised, just how much i missed being a passenger.

there's just so many little details you miss, when you're too busy driving,

and its those little details, from the details of houses, to the way trees seem to dance past, that i miss so much.

it also reminded me again why i love riding the bus.

not only are the windows large and clear so you can see everything around you, its also almost kind of like a rollercoaster ride.

you know, from the way it seems to grumble as it changes gears, to the way it rocks up and down along the roads

the way it moves and sounds, feels just like one.

especially if like me, your bus tends to take the small streets, in which the twists and turns are endlessly fun.

and sometimes.. in it all. its just nice to take the bus by yourself.

theres just something about being able to sit comfortably somewhere and watch as the world flies past to good music,

as you allow yourself to dwell in thoughts and contemplate.

its the little things.

i think i had a pretty productive day today.

oh my lord.

2009-12-23T00:32:00.005+13:00

one thing that is super pissing me off. right now. is my stupid freaking internet.

it just keeps bloody disconnecting.

i mean seriously, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.

it won't even let me stay on long enough to open a bloody web page. thank you very much.

wanker.

i dont know, maybe its my computer, or the internet.

either way, i feel like smashing both to pieces.

*swears some more*

and ugh. just when i thought i had managed to control my swearing tendencies..

i pretty much swear at least twice in every sentence i get out of my mouth. and believe me those sentences are not exactly very long, nor coherent.

which is good i guess. i mean, who wants to listen to some crazy girl constantly tell her computer to somehow artificially inseminate itself.

...

i swear, though, every difficulty i have has been multiplied ten fold by this stupid pre "time of the month" mood swings i've been having.

and its getting harder and harder to restrain myself. im pretty sure im going to break something. very. soon.

speaking of things that piss me off that i know of. is this retard.

yeah thats right. im going to post a blog about you, retard. but of course you won't realise, because never read this thing anyway.

thanks btw.

and if you did, its only because i told you to.

in which, if you are reading right now, get off my blog. cos its useless to do something just because someone tells you to. there's really no point is there?

and seriously retard. if you're not listening to what im talking about on the phone, can you please have the decency to admit you weren't actually listening rather than dig yourself a bigger hole and pretend you were.

it only further increases my urge to kill you.

seriously.

okay. maybe not kill. but. you get the point.

ughh

but seriously, i am really this close to breaking something. preferably this computer.

i mean how can such an inanimate object be so retarded???? you're nearly as bad as some retarded human i know.

seriously though. for a computer. YOU ARE COMPLETELY USELESS.

ugh. now, im even wasting my breath talking to the stupid thing.

whatever.

i think i've raged enough..

and i think i wont kill you anymore.. purely because. i cant be fucked anymore. fuck i sweared.

shit.

i mean crap.

oh fuck it.

just another day. not really.

2009-12-16T21:44:00.004+13:00

today was one of those days

when i realised just how completely useless i was. when i was alone.

of course some days are better than others..

but today was just one of those days that just felt... wrong from the very beginning..

i realised, that even when you're surrounded by people, you can still be alone in so many ways.

yes i'm stating the obvious. but. this feeling is different for me..

because i'm one of those people that actually try, to erase those feelings by bonding with others. but sometimes. its just not enough.

and when you fail, those feelings of loneliness only seem to stab back a hundred times more agonizingly.

another horrible thing about being me, is that i'm one of those people that constantly talk to themselves, while i make quite good company most of the time. it only seems to heighten self consciousness. as you know, you notice everything, about the people around you and yourself.

which in most cases, is a lot more than necessary.

whenever someone walks by me, immediately i begin to consider the person's situation.

christmas shopping, catching a late bus, etc. then the potential person that that person could be, from personality to work habits.

its something that keeps the mind busy, and constantly intrigues. and usually on good days its only one way. in which i'd only consider things about the person.

but on bad days. such as this. it gets more personal.

in which i'd see an old lady walk past me as i took a photo of dancing santa, and i would imagine her thinking "asian tourist."

okay, maybe not that racist. but... it would be things that would relate back to me, only heightening the self consciousness.

which i find so frustrating at the same time. i mean, what was the point in being so weak?

as i said, bad days.

i just hate it, when it gets to a point where you just feel like breaking down for no reason other than, your heart aches.

and you don't even know why.

maybe its because of everything wrong combined, or maybe the series of events you may have endured to consequently lead to this, in which is the same conclusion as the first, just in more words.

or maybe it was the empty void in my heart, which on most days i wouldn't even notice.

but on some, it would grow and make itself so awkwardly obviously, that you had no choice but to follow its demands and wallow in its self pitifulness.

haha.

i think its nearly that time of the month.

2009-12-06T21:13:00.003+13:00

what do you do when it feels like your world is falling apart around you?

when you lose that sense of security that you never really knew was there until you lose it?

when everything you've ever known, is being questioned?

when you know, soon, you will lose it all..

what do you do?

...

9/11

2009-11-09T21:46:00.006+13:00

tonight, for the first time in many, many years, my family went out for dinner.

together.

and, i realised exactly why we didn't do it more often.

as i sat there watching my family make orders, i felt like i was watching some horrible asian family drama on tv.

my dad, insisted to get deep fried crab balls.

while my mum argued we shouldn't. as she and my brother were allergic.

meanwhile my grandparents sat there oblivious, adding more food to our already long list of food to come, and my brother sat next to me whining about how no one could hear him as he asked for the tenth time to eat some korean looking dish.

you could feel the tension in the air as things went from bad to worse..

these were all little things really, so little i barely would notice them at home on the rare occasions my family did eat together.

but it felt like, since we in public, every move we made was amplified.

and it was more than just simply ordering a wrong set, but rather i knew that my family was practically at our breaking point.

my parents were both stressed beyond breaking point, and my grandparents were still mourning, while my brother was simply growing more and more into a twat.

i wasn't any better.

and i knew, one wrong move, and we'd all snap.

as my dad began to grow annoyed as he couldn't get his crab balls, i could see in my mum's eyes how close she was to cracking.

when my grandma began lecturing him on the unhealthiness of the crab balls, it only made things worse.

looking for a distraction, i turned to my parents and asked them whether or not they would attend my prize giving tomorrow night.

well, it was less used as a distracting device but rather something that had been on my mind for quite a while now

so, i asked, even though i already knew the answer..

and although i expected what they were going to say, i still couldn't seem to stop tears from welling up inside when i heard it.

im such a pussy.

...

unfortunately, my dad noticed too, and said he would try..

but, selfishly, it wasn't enough.

i really wanted both of them..

in my own selfish way, i wanted them both to see my achievements just to reassure myself that i wasn't disappointing them.

but in so many ways... i already had.

and wonderfully, my failed distraction device only added to the tension bringing myself down as well.

brilliant.

deep down inside, it was all i could do to stop myself from yelling...

but i knew, from so many experiences, it never helps.

as much as i wanted to throw my own hissy fit, i couldn't help but remember just what we were celebrating today..

my grandma's birthday.

she initially didn't want to do anything, she was still mourning silently over the death of her eldest child to cancer..an uncle i never got to meet..

so i knew, i couldn't let this night go bad. regardless of how i felt.

i couldn't let my family snap now.

so i joined my mum's attempts to control the situation, making myself the bigger man and tried to piece things together.

and amazingly, like adding oil to fire, the positive feeling ignited within the rest of my family members and slowly we regained consciousness of just where we were and why.

thankfully, when the food came, that pretty much shut most of us up.

and as it turns out, all we really needed was to satisfy our empty stomachs.

which, remarkably lightens up the mood quite a bit.

you know...

after writing all this.

i dont even know what the point of this post was..

i remember feeling so annoyed in the beginning.

but now..

quite indifferent.

well.

ain't i awesome.

i just used up 45minutes of studying time to ramble about nothing.

if anyone makes sense of this post, please tell me.

but technically you all should be studying instead of reading peoples blogs.

tsk tsk.

strange tendencies...

2009-10-15T02:38:00.002+13:00

one thing i've realised about myself recently, is that while i'm up late doing homework and such, i have a strange tendency...
to talk to myself.
and to make it worse, i do so in a horrible, horrible british accent.
half the time i don't even realise i'm doing so until i suddenly hear myself.
i mean, i've always this tendency to talk to myself. but it seems, that as the years go by, and as i gradually become more and more stressed, i tend to talk myself more frequently.
it would begin as simply voicing out loud my thoughts
to me having a full conversation...with myself.
its quite.. strange, i know. even for me.
but its just, one of those habits that seem to have evolved into a life of its own...

although really.
the british accent?
maybe its because of my secret admiration for the british accent, or maybe i've just been watching too much skins...
but it feels like, while im talking in this accent, i feel like another person.
almost like an alter ego of some sort.
maybe i have a multiple personality disorder..
would a person know if they had multiple personality disorder?
all of this is too strange really.

as much as i would like to keep rambling.
i realise it is almost 3am. and i have an english internal to do tomorrow morning...
i guess 5 hours of sleep it is..

all thanks to the holidays..

2009-10-04T23:09:00.006+13:00

im finally updating this.
because...
i just realised how many people out there do actually read my blog
and *sniff* even if you guys just read it out of boredom.
i am. touched.
seriously.
i love you guys. *sniff*

anyways.
even though i haven't been blogging...physically.
i've always been thinking about blogging.

for instance... i'd be on the bus... and i'd see something interesting and think "ooo that'd be something to blog about"
and this would happen constantly throughout the week.
i'd have all these great ideas to share with people..
but i guess. i just never got around to doing it..

another problem is.
i used to kind of use this blog as a mental release...
but now that its become a bit more well known..
its slightly put me off writing more about my personal life on here..
well. because.
someone might read it.
which i guess is the point..
but...its different...
i dont think im quite... ready. to become another one of those people that simply "broadcast" their lives to the world..
i'd rather not have some 40 year old in some country living through me vicariously..
at least not quite yet.
so for now.. i'll leave a bit of ambiguity to my blog.

so speaking of personal life.
one thing i am willing to share.
and painfully gush about.
is korean dramas.
oh lord.
this is worst than the time i watched boys over flowers.
which took me 3 days to watch about 24 episodes..
now.
i've watch 3 drama's. 18 episodes each.
within 6 days...
do the maths.
...
minus 5-6 hours of sleep.
that basically equals to..
me having no life. :D
which can be fun. until life eventually comes knocking on your door. asking for a refund for the wasted hours.

i dont know how it happened really.
one minute wenyu asks me to watch some drama she watched in china.
next thing you know. im laughing and crying like i have bipolar.
my grandma would walk past my room every time and simply stare.
and mutter under her breath. "she's finally gone crazy.."
while my parents would simply nod and sigh.
they're all too familiar to my korean drama phases.
although usually. it wouldn't be for this long.
and this many...

for some reason.
after the first drama.
i couldn't stop.
i was addicted.
i needed more.
watching these dramas finally seemed to quench my inner thirst... for...something or rather. which im not quite sure what it is. but was something that definitely needed quenching.
actually..
now that i think about it...
it filled an empty void.
this void of longing that i had in my heart.
perhaps created from the lack of substance.. or to put it more specifically. the lack of...a guy to distract me from life.
sigh.
its silly to want something like that right now.
well i mean.
not that i cant. or shouldn't really..
im a seventeen year old girl. hormones have kicked in.
of course i can. and should.
but
realistically?
with school and this transition of being a teenager to an adult and such.
i really cant be bothered to let myself become emotionally drained by something as trivial as a guy.
which goes against everything really.
because.
no matter what. im still gonna want a guy...
and i guess.
really, im using life as an excuse not to get one.
ah.. but still.
just thinking about this is emotionally draining.

which i guess is why i love korean drama's.
you give your hearts to the drama's.
and they in turn. love you back.
you throw yourself into the main characters lives... and live vicariously through them.
and although its temporary..
it satisfies the inner need. to find a guy.

plus.
i highly doubt i could find one to live up to my expectations now a days.
thanks to the drama's.
oh well.
there has to be consequences.

anyways.
this turned out to be another seemingly useless ramble about... nothing.
and all this talk about not broadcasting my life. has been pretty much thrown out the window...
well.. part of my life anyways.

sigh.
im gonna go watch another drama.

A short summary of my lovely drama's.
which i recommend to all!! XD

Delightful/Sassy Girl Choon Hyang
boy meets girl, boy gets drunk and sleeps in the same bed as girl, which in turn results in the boy and girl having to get married to save their reputations...while they're still in high school.
lots of comedy and romance.

My Girl
boy meets girl after nearly hitting girl. girl tries to rip guy off. guy then decides to use girl and her swindling skills to pretend to be his long lost cousin for the sake of his dying grandpa. who miraculously recovers, resulting in the girl having to possibly pretend to be his cousin forever. then he starts to fall for girl.

Coffee Prince
Guy meets a guy, who is actually a girl pretending to be a guy... well already half looks like one because of her tomboy ways. anyways. guy meets guy who is a girl pretending to be a guy so she can keep her job at the coffee prince. creating problems when the guy starts to fall for the girl who he thinks is a guy. lol.

Shining Inheritance
lol the next drama im planning to watch.
not sure what its about yet.
something about the girl becoming a cinderella type girl. and her and the main guy hating each other.
ah. love hate relationships are the best.

potentially dangerous...

2009-08-13T19:10:00.005+12:00

so. like pretty much every other asian female in this world.
im a sucker for the korean franchise.
from their endless amount of drama's
to their endless amount of hot girls and guys (whether or not they've been physically altered..)
and recently.
i've been pulled helplessly into the world of korean music..

oh god.
from those hot girls from Wonder Girls and Girls Generation
to the even hotter guys of Super Junior..
and the worst thing?
their songs were just so damn catchy.
i mean.
i had no clue what they were on about half the time
but i didn't care.
IT SOUNDS GOOD
thats good enough for me..

but one day
i decided...
hey, if im going to be trying to sing along to this stuff (yes im actually going to try..)
i might as well figure out what half these lyrics mean.
i mean.
its only courtesy to at least try to understand the language you're trying to speak.
and i figured it could teach me a thing or two about the korean language...
haha.

So i went around specifically looking for the lyrics for
Gee - Girls Generation
and
Its You - Super Junior
and discovered that.
wow.
korean's are corny as hell...
i mean. some of these lyrics were just so..
FLUFFY. to the point of it being... dangerously fluffy... >.>
...
let me show you.

okay first song i found.

Gee by Girls Generation.

Aha!
Listen Boy My First Love Story
My angel
And my Girls
My Sunshine
Ah ah let's Go
You're so handsome my eyes are blinded
I can't breath because i'm trembling
Gee gee gee gee
Baby baby baby baby
Gee gee gee gee
Baby baby baby baby
oh i feel so embarressed
I can't look at you
I feel shy because I've fallen in love Gee gee gee gee Baby baby baby baby Gee gee gee gee Baby baby baby baby What should i do?
What should I Do? About my trembling Heart My trembling heart
My heart kept thumping
So I couldn't fall asleep at night
I guess I guess i'm a fool
a fool that knows only you
yes,as i look at you
So bright so bright My eyes are blinded
no no no no no
so surprised surprised
I'm shocked
oh oh oh oh oh
so tingly tingly My body's trembling
gee gee gee gee gee
glittering eyes (oh yeah)
sweet aroma (o yeah yeah yeah)
oh so pretty, your heart is so pretty i was captured at first glance
caught so closly
gee gee gee gee
baby baby baby baby
gee gee gee gee
baby baby baby baby I can't touch it because it's so hot I'm engulfed by love's firecompletly Gee gee gee gee
baby baby baby baby
gee gee gee gee
Baby baby baby baby
what should i do what should i do
because i'm so shy
I'm so shy
I don't know why but everyday
i long for only you
My close friends tell me
that i'm a really helpless fool
But as i look at you

area's i couldn't help but notice.
and were repeated constantly throughout the song.
this girl is describing her dream guy..
but to me he sounds a little TOO unreal.
"so bright so bright, im blinded"
what is he? Edward Cullen?
and god.. the way she talks about how she feels about him?
DO THEY HAVE NO SHAME?!
she sounds borderline obsessive throughout this song...
seriously.

then.. there's
Its You by Super Junior.
>.> my god...

It’s you
It’s you
It’s you
It’s only you
It’s you
It’s you

I don’t need anyone else, it’s only you
When you ask again, it’s only you
Even if you already have another love
I can’t forget you, I can’t turn back around
Oh ~
The moment my eyes began to burn
The moment my heart was captured by you I have no regret, I chose you That’s right, it’s you (that im going to obsessively stalk >.>)

Chorus :
Oh whatever anyone anyone says, it doesn’t matter to me Oh whoever whoever curses me, I’ll only look at you Even when I’m born again, it’s still only you (Still Still) Even as time goes by

Oh when you tell me you love me
When you tell me thousands and millions of times
Even when my heart sets on fire, my dry lips wear out
Even when I’m born again, it’s still only you
(Still Still) Even as time goes by

Oh oh only for you Oh oh only for you
Oh oh only for you Oh oh only for you
Oh oh only for you Oh oh only for you
Oh oh only for you

It’s you
I don’t need any words. it’s just you
“ It’s too late “ , but for me it’s just you
I know our love is wrong
I can’t give up, I can’t let you go
Ah Ah (seriously? >.>)

My lips, cold as can be, are even more blue
I cry out to find to find your warmth
I call, even though I call for you
And there’s no reply, I’ll wait for you

Chorus.

Okay.

so i dunno.

maybe chicks find this sort of stuff
romantic...
but seriously? to me?
its encouraging. STALKERS

i mean... here's a song about a love that wont work out.
and throughout..
the guys are just saying. that they wont give up. no matter what...
which fine. if the guy looked like them, singing it to me... then i wouldn't mind.
but if i put it onto..
"normal" guys...
those words just come out... as... creepy.
imagine this.
a guy confesses to you.
but unfortunately. you dont feel the same way.
so you reject them.
naturally this is where they back away.. and slowly get over it.
but here is a song
encouraging these poor suckers to hold onto these feelings and not let go..
turning these guys into potential stalkers >.>

now lets put one section of the song into context.
so.. this one

"It’s you
I don’t need any words. it’s just you
“ It’s too late “ , but for me it’s just you
I know our love is wrong
I can’t give up, I can’t let you go
Ah Ah"

so here you are trying to reject the guy...
and he replies with "i dont need any words. its just you."
you tell him "its too late"
and he replies with
"but for me, its just you"
you walk away.
he shouts "i know our love is wrong, but i cant give you up, i cant let you go..."

bloody hell.
the guys just doesn't know when to stop.

dont get me wrong.
i love this song.
its bloody catchy... and the guys are the only reason why i dont mind the lyrics...
but seriously
putting these songs into context..
they're just damn creepy >.>

i dont know..
maybe its because korean's are just naturally more... mushy?
i mean they have every excuse to... considering they're korean.
but..
>.> seriously. lets just hope they don't actually influence their listeners to the point of actually reinacting any of their lyrics.

otherwise..

girls and guys.. beware...

"The moment my heart was captured by you I have no regret, I chose you That’s right, it’s you~~"

epic fail.

2009-07-30T22:45:00.007+12:00

so, as some of you may know.
i take photography at school
which to some mentally challenged individuals, they consider it a "bum" subject.
well let tell you.
you try and take the subject and try to get excellence.
then you come back and dare to tell me its a "bum" subject.
because its definitely a freakin hell of a lot more than just snapping a few pictures.

anyways.
off topic..

with a subject like photography, obviously comes with
a lot
of costs.

one specific cost. is of hiring a digital camera.
to hire it for a week.
costs $5
which.. i guess alright.
and i guess would be why some individuals see it as an opportunity to take advantage of. by not returning the camera by its due date.
so
to prevent this from happening.
the school came up with a plan.
so hiring a camera costs $5 a week.
but.
if you go over your week.
you will then be charged $5
a day.

when i first heard this.
i knew.
i just knew.
that some poor, idiotic individual would probably forget to return the camera.
and end up having to pay the school hundreds.

little did i know,
that poor, idiotic individual would be.
me.

yes.
i did it.
there are many reasons and explanations as to how this came to be.
i could blame it on the flu i was suffering at the time
impairing my ability to remember things.
it could be the rush of assignments being quickly done and handed in
causing further impairment to my memory
but in all reality
i guess
i merely forgot.

in my mind however,
i had created a scenario in which i HAD returned the camera, i just couldn't remember myself doing so.
but somehow managed to convince myself otherwise.

so here i was, getting ready to hire another camera.
when the B1 ladies tell me that i hadn't returned my camera from
last term.
i did the calculations in my head.
3 weeks.
5 dollars.
fuck me.

as i was returning to B1, with the dreaded camera in my hand (which had been in my photography locker all along)
i desperately asked jacky what to do.
and he simply told me.
to cry.
i thought it was ridiculous.
to lower myself to the point of almost begging
i mean. this was my pride we were talking about here.
he expected me to cry?

so i went in there, hoping to flash them some watery eyes or something.
but as they went off and started doing the calculations for how much i owed.
i suddenly thought about the actual cost.
$135 (3 weeks plus this week plus other random costs)
i thought... how many burgers, manga, and other shit could i have bought with $135
then i thought about my parents.
my raging asian parents..
holy shit.
if they ever found out.
bro.
GG

....

and suddenly out of no where.
i decided to forget pride and dignity
and the tears just started flowing out.
and trust me.
once they started, it was hard to stop.
jacky, being my smart partner in crime, handed me a tissue for effect.
either that, or he actually believed me.

few minutes in, i actually thought that the tears werent working.
and i thought.
that perhaps the tears were too cliche, and that they might INCREASE the cost since they probably thought i was being too pussy about it.

but amazingly.
after a few more minutes, they said to me.
'look.
how about this.
you pay $20, and hopefully learn to be less reckless with your placement of such expensive equipment.'
i simply stared back in awe.
wow.
the relief i felt, was so amazing. i actually had no words.
the tears worked.
the fucking tears worked.
holy fucking hell.

thank you God.

so. a lesson to you all.

if you think you have done something
but you cannot remember actually physically doing it.
then
you probably haven't done it.
:)

indignation...

2009-07-25T10:31:00.004+12:00

Sometimes, I cannot even begin to describe, nor understand this anger that I have bottled up inside me.
You want so much to just let it out. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
This need to just.
Lose.
Control.

How easy is it for us to simply go past that point of no return.
Yet it is common sense, and reality that keeps you from falling past that edge.

So many times, I have come so close.
But just trying not to fall, is an act in itself.
To keep yourself temporarily sane, to not let yourself feel the emotions pumping through your blood, takes a hell of a lot of self control.

And frankly. Im not much of a self control sort of person.
Which I guess is why I fuck up so much sometimes.
I mean.
When you’re blinded by fury.
Im talking about that blind rush. Of pure… rage.
Can you really see those flashing lights in front of you?
Telling you to stop? Telling you to control yourself. Telling you to take a fucking deep breath and actually expect everything to just be, normal?

I’ve tried all of these things.
and seriously?
Its just more satisfying to let yourself lose control.
Its like an orgasm of anger.
For that single moment.
Where you simply let go of all constraints.
You let go of all sanity, all common sense, all reason.
You feel almost on high, from the rush of endorphins and adrenaline, mixing in with rush of fury.

Unfortunately.
An angry person, yelling and screaming with unconstrained anger is pretty much the equivalent of a drunk.
Possibly a lot less sloppy and a lot more violent.
But with the same end result.
You will always end up regretting the things you say.
Because they will be words you did not bother to think through, words that you probably didn’t even mean, words you’d meant to use as shallow daggers which ended up cutting a lot deeper than expected.
Words that simply should never have left your mouth.

But alas. There has to be some consequence for this happy rush of anger.
And unfortunately, it means hurting others. A lot worse than you’d expect.
And in some brilliant cases, you end up hurting yourself.
As life would have it.

Which brings me back to my life moto.

if its too good to be true. it is.

the whole idea of karma , yin and yang and shit.
no matter what you do, there will always be consequences. and whether it be good or bad consequences purely depend on the what.

...

but in the end really.
who are we really hurting, when we let ourselves lose control like that?
nothing good ever comes out of losing control.
and i know it.
all too well..
yet what i cant understand is why i still do.
i mean.
i know the consequences.
yet..
i still go around doing this sort of shit to myself...
there has to be a better solution.

i dont know.
...
maybe one day...
i'll be a better person
and actually LEARN from my mistakes.

more incoherant rants about life and such.

2009-07-19T21:44:00.003+12:00

i just watched, another depressing grey's anatomy episode.
i mean yeah.
pretty much every episode makes you cry
because someone dies too soon etc.
but usually,
all you really feel is sorry for them.
you know. the superficial sort of sadness.

this episode however.
although not one of the best.
and sort of annoying at times.
struck an all too familiar cord with me.
basically the plot was simple.
a bunch of college about to be graduates, are all squeezed into one small S.U.V
heading to their graduation.
the driver looks away from the road for one minute.
...
you can guess what happens.
next thing you know
they're being rushed to Seattle Grace (the hospital of greys)

there was this one guy.
and he just kept repeating that he needed to get to his graduation.
and later on get to know that he was graduating for his family, being the first to graduate in his family. you know, the whole build up of character to help the audience feel more of an attachment to him.
etc.
for your information.
he dies.

i think i felt more for the driver who kept asking for his girlfriend in a pink sweater
and when you finally see her.
the first thing you really notice, apart from her pink sweater,
is her stomach which has been cut open, with her guts spilling out.
needless to say, she didn't make it.
and then the guy dies from heartbreak.
i know. wtf.

then there was this girl
who was saying she needed to graduate.
constantly.
because of something about as soon as she graduates then she could start living.
that today was the day she was supposed to start living.

apparently, she had gone through all her life. study first.
never living life.
and graduation was the turning point in her life.
she was finally free, independent.
she was going to start living.

which really made me think.
we go through school and high school to do what?
prepare us for college.
and what is college really for?
to prepare us for life.

life.

oh god.
in the mind of an optimist.. life represents so many.. wonderful and colourful things.
however.
i am not an optimist.
so when i think life.
i think future.
when i think future..
i get this sinking, fluttering (not the good sort) of feeling in my stomach.
as i desperately try to avoid thinking of it at all.

the truth is.
i dont see a future.
and not in the see as in "have predictions or visions of the future" like a psychic. because. unfortunately, i do not have such skills.
rather..
i mean, i know i will have a future. everyone does... (dont give me shit about ppl dying. thats a completely different story)
so lets say, for arguments sake. i know i'll live to be at least 50
that mean i know i have a future.
but i really cannot even begin to imagine, the what where, why, and hows.
and not knowing... the specifics... is what... worries me.
and the whole knowing that what you do now is what gives you the specifics.
gives me a huge sense of pressure.

i dont know.

im babbling. as usual.
but really. the future scares me.
because i really dont see it.
i mean.
i know its there.
but i just cant seem to see it.

and that grey's episode was just depressing to see
these kids, having gone through so much, worked so hard.
to finally start living.
as independent adults
to die.
just.
like.
that.

son of a bloody scone eater.

sigh

i give up trying to understand.

its late.

goodnight world. and to whomever that bothers to read my posts.

2009-07-12T03:01:00.003+12:00

oh god.
here it is again.
the thing i dread most..
i keep trying to push it away.
deny it of its hunger.
but alas.
i am weak.
i cannot deny its need.

this need...

to procrastinate.

oh god.
i dont even want to think about all those wasted opportunities.
not to mention this damned insomnia
that i seem to be suffering from.

its a simple matter of turning off my wretched laptopconnectedtoamonitormakingitnotalaptopanymorebutacomputerwannabe
and lying on top of your bed
and closing your eyes.

its that simple.

and yet. for some reason
my brain simply cant seem to comprehend this action
to sleep.
it just keeps feeding me excuses.
again and again.

"oh its not that late.."
"oh restaurant city is back online"
"oh you don't need to wake up tmrw. in fact you dont have to wake up at all. just keep doing whatever you're doing. you don't need sleep. cos you're fucking superman"

oh freakin god.
i have the voice of an insane person.

its at times like these when i realise
the importance

of control, over your mind.
if your mind does not obey
how do you expect to even make it through the day.
in one piece.

oh god.
i need sleep.
i want sleep.
but i just cant seem to let myself.

sometimes, i feel that the only reason im an insomniac
is because
in some sort of ironic cliche
i feel like
im losing time.
and the only way i can get it back
is by
not. sleeping.

time is the only constant thing in my life.
and i guess.
if i dont sleep
i get more.
time.
that is..
yay.
this is definitely a healthy attitude.

whats that?
you think i should go where?
no i will not!
theres a difference between insomniac and insane.
...

im talking to myself.

oh god.

im talking to myself.

thats it.
i dont care anymore.
im sleeping.
whether my brain likes it or not.

D:

...
btw. incase you couldn't tell.
this was just me rambling.
no need to take any of this seriously.
and i assure you.
i am completely
100%
a okay. sane. healthy. non suicidal. the works.
i just need to learn
to sleep.
:D

goodnight world.
thank you for also being another constant thing in this life.

i wanna catch a love and make it stay...

2009-07-11T17:59:00.003+12:00

i've recently discovered quite a lovely band.
voxtrot.
i love his voice.
i love the music.
and most importantly.. i love the lyrics.
some are simply so poetically put..

this song.
Long Haul.

i feel reflects my state of mind recently the best..

truly a beautiful song to listen to..

--x--

Somebody told me if you live this way
Then it's a long, long haul
I wanna catch a love and make it stay
Oh it's a long, long haul
When you know darkness you can love a day
Oh it's a long, long haul
I've never seen it, I just talk this way
Oh it's a long, long haul

And you lie to us both
We are words, nothing holds

I wanna catch a love and make it stay
Oh it's a long, long haul
I'll draw a little joy now of this
Place before I get too old
I'll flee these troubled horses from this
Place within my troubled soul
And there is nothing, so far

If we are salt and earth and sun and stone
Then it's a long, long fall
To fixing trouble in a broken home
And if you won't, you won't call
When you can walk beside me past my past
Oh it's a long, long haul
I wanna catch a love and make it last
Oh it's a long, long haul

And you lie to us both
We are words nothing holds

I wanna catch a love and make it stay
Oh it's a long, long haul
I'll draw a little joy out of this
Place before I get too old
I'll flee these troubled horses from this
Place within my troubled soul
And there is nothing, so far

And nothing,
so far

I wanna catch a love and make it stay
I wanna catch a love and make it stay
I wanna catch a love and make it stay
I wanna catch a love and make it stay

--x--

I wanna catch a love and make it stay...

oh. woe.

2009-07-10T21:04:00.004+12:00

the world hates me.

*cries in a corner*

umm.

i fail at screen shotting.
lol
actually i just don't know how.
so instead
i will simply copy and paste.

im pretty sure half the world has seen it already.
but.
god.
T___T
im still depressed as hell over it.

so i finally found this infamous

"what chance do you have with megan fox"
so i figured.
i'd give it a try.
since. well. megan fox... whether you like her or not.
is still.
EXTREMELY super hot.
and reminds me of that chick from vertigo..
but wow.
her face.
and body..
mmm..

so i did the quiz and was devastated to find THIS.

Annaliesa Tran T____T
why????
WHY???

Annaliesa just took the "Chances with Megan Fox" quiz and the result is 0% Chance.

She laughs at the thought

Yesterday at 10:32pm · Comment · Like Unlike · Show Feedback (5)Hide Feedback (5) · Take this Quiz · Compare yourself to Annaliesa

You like this.

Lj Tai at 10:35pm July 9

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! XD

Alex Bayliss at 10:37pm July 9

ROFL ...........

Annaliesa Tran at 10:42pm July 9

not.
cool.
T___T

Yunsi Luoyu at 10:49pm July 9

lol its ok anna, im here >.<

Annaliesa Tran at 11:15pm July 9

T_____T
yunsi.
i love you.
T_____T
♥

it was like. Heart break.

T____T

how could this be??
why??

and to make it worse..
i managed to make 11 others take the quiz.
and EVERYONE got at least 50% chance with her plus
except for chao wei
who still got more than me
with his
0.0000000001%
>_____>

so in my woe.

i decided to take the quiz again.
thinking..
whats the worse that could happen.
as if i could get anything LOWER
than 0%

...
i was wrong. T_____T

Annaliesa Tran HOLY SHIT
T___T
WTF
i took the quiz again and i got THIS! T_T

cries in a corner

Annaliesa just took the "Chances with Megan Fox" quiz and the result is -100% Chance.

she hates you

Yesterday at 11:50pm · Comment · Like Unlike · Show Feedback (12)Hide Feedback (12) · Take this Quiz · Compare yourself to Annaliesa

You, Shannen Lim, James Graves and Wenyu Ouyang like this.

Shannen Lim, James Graves and Wenyu Ouyang like this.

Wenyu Ouyang at 11:51pm July 9

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LMAO LMAO LMAO!!!
NEGATIVE XD this is hilarious!!!

Wenyu Ouyang at 11:51pm July 9

you really are a chick repellant =p

Jacky Su at 11:57pm July 9

LOL! "she hates you"

That's it. I'm taking this quiz.

i had no idea that could even happen.

T______T

EPIC. FAIL.

*sobs*

Life and Times in the Tran Residence.

2009-07-08T00:58:00.006+12:00

Wow. What a hectic week its been.
although surprisingly, even with the ball and such.
i still find the highlight of my week.
being with my family. XD

such as.

just last night..
my dad found his old "michael jackson's greatest hits" dvd.
so we decided to pop it in to check it out.

and you know,
as it was only about 1am in the morning. we decided to put it on full volume and then proceed to sing along to all the songs.
super asian karaoke style. >XD
it actually got to the point where my dad actually got up and started dancing.

it was lovely.

his butt was wobbling everywhere.
my brother laughed as much as an emo boy could.
my mom tried to pretend not to stare.
while my grandma promptly left the room. toilet she says... *cough*

and i...
being the wonderful daughter i was.
began looking for a camera.

unfortunately.
i couldn't find it.
so i resorted to the next best thing.
dancing along with him.

XD

as i said, it was lovely.

and tonight.
me and my brother spent half an hour running around the house, screaming at each other.
but the nice sort of screaming.

basically.
i wouldn't get off his bed.
so he resorted into getting out his secret defense mechanism.
toothpicks.

trust me. they're deadly.

and so, the great toothpick war began.

with my brother running at me with not just one.
but TWO toothpicks, one in each hand.

i managed to defend myself with some of my own.

it was a long fight. but well worth it.
with some splintered toothpicks along the way.
...
we lost a lot of good toothpicks that night.
but got plenty of good exercise in doing so.

seriously. though.
with all the ruckus we made (it was around midnight when we started)
im surprised that our homestays haven't killed us in our sleep yet...
who knows.
tonight could be the night they actually snap..
hmm.
...

either way.

i discovered that.
its these little things, these little quirky moments in our boring lives that i truly learn to appreciate my family in all their weird glory.
im thankful.
but most importantly.
im thankful to michael jackson.
and your wonderful pelvic thrusting dance moves..
which have some how brought my family together even more than we were before
i guess they really are magic.

and so with a soppy, corny post.
i leave with a short 20sec video of just how intense that toothpick fight was.

and yes.
that pedophile like breathing noise you hear, is me.
...
what?
i was running!
hence out of breath!
thats what everyone sounds like when they run...
>___>

i have swine flu

2009-06-25T06:37:00.000+12:00

>____>

from monday through to tuesday
fevers ravaged me...
leaving me completely useless.
my brother made me check
i didn't have swine flu
so i went through the list of symptons...

Moderate to severe illness lasting 7-10 days. >___> i think i don't have that..i hope
Usually a high fever check
Shivering attacks yup....
Muscular pains ugh.. yes..
Headache (may be severe) the whole day...
Dry cough may become moist right to the little detail...
Vomit occasionally i feel like it. a lot. does that count? edit: screw it. just vomited. a few times. great wake up call.
Can suffer severe complications (pneumonia) nope..
Bedridden hence why i've been sleeping for so long.

long analysis short.

and a trip to the doctors later...
they have determined that...

i have the flu.
its not the swine flu.
but the flu nonetheless

but

seriously?
swine flu. flu.
they're practically the same things...
and guess which is deadlier?

the common flu.

great. great great..

at least the temperatures gone down...
but this damn
nausea...
this feeling of wanting to vomit
just. won't. go. away..
ugghh

thank God for tmrw...

what the shit...

2009-06-21T21:21:00.003+12:00

i keep meaning to blog.
but i cant
because i want to load pictures.
which i cant
because my internets too slow
which is slow
because my brother used up all our bandwith
how?
by watching tons of cartoon episodes..
online.

meanwhile.
life has been hectic.
from being asked to the ball
to being spit on.
hmmm
how do describe a week like that?

by not bothering to..

my emotions have been an absolute trainwreck
from utter happiness
to complete bitchiness.
i cant understand it.
i keep blaming the chocolate..
but now i think its because of the insomnia
or maybe its nothing at all
and im just desperately trying to deny the fact
that perhaps
its all me..
hmm..

on a completely different note.
guess what i learnt from private practise?

girls.
i finally realise the importance of those injections..
not only will it prevent
cervical cancer for us.
we can prevent it from transferring to our partners...
in which they could end up with ..

throat. cancer...>___>

put two and two together..
and you can probably guess how it happened..

lol

haha

i also keep dreaming about kyle from kyle x y
or in other words. known as the hot guy from katy perry's video "thinking of you"
he has.
the bluest.
most beautiful eyes in the world..
and man.
those dreams...
he's just so..
warm..
and... cuddly...
and... sexy XD

hormones. suck.

emotional rollercoasters?

2009-06-11T20:41:00.007+12:00

i don't know why.
but these days it feels as if i cant seem to make up my mind as to what to feel.

what. the. hell.

i think its because.
these days i've just been eating waaay too much chocolate.
simply because..
of cravings...
and you know how chocolate makes you happy?
because it releases endorphins or some shit?

well i've come to the conclusion
that. it doesnt.
instead.
it just puts you on a freakin massive EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER.
seriously fucks you up mentally as well.

probably backing up my favourite saying.

"you can never have too much of a good thing." =___=

siiiigh

on another note..

here's at least something that lightens up my emo mood.
lol.

this.

is.

SO FAIL!!!

edit:
"with love
xoxoxoxoxo
jacky"

hahahahaha.
thank you jacky.
for making my day... for a few days in a row.

not entirely useless blogging....

2009-06-09T17:52:00.006+12:00

well for one thing.
i should probably say that my previous post was a complete anti climax....
heh...
as it turns out.
God was kind.
XD

on another note.
so much has happened since then.

-for one thing... i've been driving.. non illegally...*cough* a lot recently.

-i got my first free bottle of beer from an art gallery. XD heh.
im surprised they even gave it to me since as soon as i asked for it, i could feel myself turn completely red, before i even drank anything.

-I CLEANED MY ROOM.yes.
the unbelievable has been done.
and yes.
i can actually see my floor again.

-i dropped my laptop while i was sleeping...
=___=
i thought it was a pillow...
so i pushed it off...
amazingly. it still works.
but my screen screws up every once and a while.

and last but not least....

-i had lunch with my mum, dad, and brother... all at the same time D=
yes. thats right.
i experienced a rare family gathering...

of course. it happened at one of our restaurants...

how amazingly lucky am i....

the irony of life

2009-05-25T20:51:00.001+12:00

a while back i was going to do a post about my life.
as it was back then.

what made it so significant was that
back then.
at that moment in time.
i was...

happy.

things were going well for me.
i was getting excellence for all my grades..
then there was that prize giving dinner...
there were no complications in life.
and i was ...
happy with myself.

but alas...
my inner pessimist was never far away.
as i constantly thought that...
perhaps.
i was too happy.

you know as they say...
you can never have too much of a good thing...
as paranoid as it sounds..
i was constantly thinking that.
this.
this happiness.
was soon going to be replaced by something.
horrible...
you know.
to balance things out.

soon i began to dread the happiness that i felt..
i just kept thinking that the greater my happiness was...
the higher i was....
the harder i was going to fall...

i was destroying myself with this paranoia...
so finally.
for a while...i decided to ignore it..
hoping that i hadn't jinxed myself.
from thinking so negatively..
i mean.
why cant someone be happy and not pay any consequence?

and i've been contented with life...

until today.

here i was... having a pretty good day.
i had a maths exam that went reasonably well.
i played an alright squash game.
and monday's meant my favourite tv shows were on...

but of course as i've learnt the hard way.. again and again...
good things never last long.

...

i lost my cellphone

...

sigh.

i don't even have the energy to describe what im feeling right now....
i've called everyone and everything i could possibly call.
done everything... i could possibly.
...
all i can do is hope.
...
but really.
what is the point in hoping?
i mean, you're just building yourself up
to only be hurt even more.

so maybe i should just act as if its gone already.
that theres no way i could possibly get it back.
that everything on my phone... is as good as lost.

but isn't it funny though.
how incompetent i feel... without a phone.
since when had i become so dependent on this small electronic object?
oh god.

....

happy thoughts.

happy thoughts...

...

oh fuck it.

the strange psyche of a procrastinator...

2009-05-22T18:48:00.003+12:00

isn't it funny how as soon as you finish one exam
you feel as if.
you suddenly have an excuse to relax...
to procrastinate.

its like a fat kid treating themselves to a piece of cheese after doing one lap.
in the end.
you don't really achieve anything...

....

meh.
realising this isn't going to change anything.
i guess.
you can't really do anything.
except. to embrace it.

and damn well am i going to embrace it.

too much sleep syndrome...

2009-05-19T22:16:00.003+12:00

i don't know.
maybe its because i've been living off 6 hours of sleep for the past few years of my life
or something like that
but i just cant seem to stop sleeping.

for instance.
just today.
i managed to take a four hour nap...
which is actually a huge waste of time.
if you think about it.

amazingly, it wasn't of waste.
while i was sleeping, i was supposed to be planning games for my youth group this week...
so when i fell asleep...
i was thinking.
oh. shit. now im never going to get anything done.

but something amazing happened.

i predicted the future. =]

sort of.

i had one of those "you think you're awake but you're actually still sleeping" dreams,
in which i thought i finally managed to wake up from my massive sleep attack
and started doing my work.
so i managed to plan the game for my youth... in my sleep.

i know.
im.
freakin.
awesome.
XD

haha.

needless to say.
i was extremely thankful.
maybe it was a sign from God.
either way.
im thankful.

but this still doesn't hide the fact that i can't seem to stop sleeping...
i feel like.
i could sleep forever.
if i could..

but im pretty sure that wouldn't be sleep anymore.
it'd be a full on coma.

so i decided.
what better way to figure this out?
than to google it.

so i typed in "too much sleep syndrome"
and it surprisingly gave me. a good link.

Sleep disorders involve any difficulties related to sleeping, including difficulty falling or staying asleep, falling asleep at inappropriate times, excessive total sleep time, or abnormal behaviors associated with sleep.

which is where i discovered
a disorder called
Psychophysiological insomnia

which has absolutely nothing to do with my too much sleep syndrome.
but i guess it has something to do with the way everyone else is living...

so. it is a disorder.

in which people actually create... insomnia. for themselves.
where it becomes not a neurological disorder. but more of a psychological one...
as if we didn't already have enough troubles of our own...
which really gets me thinking...
that we are so screwed up, that we actually create disorders for ourselves. to suffer from...

i really don't get humans.

maybe i need more sleep.

P.S - i always thought narcolepsy meant that the person suffering from it basically suffered from sleeping a lot. but as it turns out... they actually don't sleep for long periods, instead they have episodes of sudden daytime sleeping ("sleep attack"), usually preceded by drowsiness.

screw it.

im going back to sleep.

things that make me smile

2009-05-07T20:27:00.003+12:00

i was looking through my phone pictures.
and i realised i had accumulated a lot of random photos.
and when i say random
i mean random XD

for instance.

i love chinese to english translations.
hahaha
just as me and joanne were discussing today..
they.
are.
hilarious.

"don't five three five four laaaaa~" - Joanne

hilarious.

i walked past this sign in tai ping
and just smiled.

lovely.

i guess it is pretty furry. XD

another thing that makes me smile.

Dhanish.

my favourite scrawny black kid.

and... his awesome awesome locker lock.

locker number included as proof.

entirely unfeminine in any way ... *cough*

Another thing i love
jo yee...

she always does the silliest things with me...
and is part of the reason my phone is so full with random pictures.

only she. (actually possibly a few others might...)
would do this with me.

and help me look like a pedophile...

(i know! i actually do look like a pedo!!)

now if i could only get her to read my blog....

on another note.

i love you tracy!!!

haha.
special mention just for you...
(sorry for strangling you. i just was just extremely excited to see you... ><)

i don't have any recent pictures with you though... unfortunately.
so here's one i hope you remember from a few years ago. XD hahaha.
i hope you still have that ring..

ahh..

on another note..
quite a random note actually.
i realised that i bruise extremely easily....
its kind of freaking me out actually....

>__>

i just seem to be constantly getting new bruises everyday....
i recently got a bruise from diving to my knees a few times from playing squash.
dont ask.
and so.... as most asians do.
i rubbed it to spread the bruise??
apparently thats what you're supposed to do??
but then the next day.. the bruise got even bigger...
so maybe.. im doing something wrong...

would show pictures...
but... they ain't pretty.

and got another bruise today above that bruise from accidentally hitting myself with the racket...

guess im just way too accident prone XD

i. hate. procrastination

2009-04-26T01:03:00.001+12:00

the holidays have come to, what seems, an abrupt end.

well.

for me at least.

and ironically...
low and behold.
i procrastinated ALL my holiday homework
til now of course.

it never quite hits you
until exactly that last minute where you realise for sure that you CANT do it
thats where the adrenaline starts to pump
and suddenly you turn into superman.
or at least try to..

actually it goes both ways.

you either become an extreme optimist or an extreme pessimist.
and sometimes.
both.

you either believe in all your might you can do it. even though its almost physically impossible...
or you believe in all your might that you cant.
in which you just sigh in defeat.
and take a nap.
or something.

in my case... im thinking minimalistic
do what i need to.
no more
no less
and hope to dear God, that i can finish.

all in all.

procrastination

is

a

big

fat

slutty

bitch.

that. i know for sure.

oh. wow.

2009-04-20T21:57:00.002+12:00

maan..
i havent blogged in ages..
guess with all my assignments at the end of last term was probably the reason.

you'd think that with the start of the holidays i'd have more time.
wrong.
first of all there was easter camp.
then the constant going out.
it felt good having something to constantly do ...
it was an excuse i used for myself when my homework wasn't done..
i was already pre occupied with something else.

then.
today.
my first day sleeping in....
it was... amazing..
my dreams were. intense. as usual.

speaking of dreams.

on sunday, i had a dream that i was in the simpsons world.
the simpsons had gone off on a holiday trip somewhere... i think canada.
and flanders happened to be there too.
except for some reason. he had a bad reaction and turned into a werewolfe.

thats where the happy la la land stops.

here's me, dreaming in simpsons style, of about 9 different killings all done by flanders while he was a werewolfe.
each one becoming more and more ruthless.
thats when the whole town decides to leave town... because there was a killer on rampage.
but for some reason the simpsons decide to stay.

i blame homer because he's an idiot half the time.

anyway.
so. one day... lisa was playing outside in the snow.
when flanders spots her.
now since everyone had left town
he was really hungry.
and when he spotted lisa. he thought of her as the perfect kill.
just as he was about to make his move... lisa noticed.
and began to run for it.
this is where it turns into a video game... a bit like grand theft auto...
and then for some reason flanders becomes the devil...
and makes a deal with marge not the eat lisa after she show'd him her baby pictures.
instead.
he decided to eat bart.
and when homer tried to do something about it.
he ate homer too.

unluckily for flanders.
since he was so hungry. he forgot to chew.
leaving both those guys alive in there.
so they came up with a plan to annoy the heck out of flanders by jumping on his bladder.
making him have to go pee pee a lot.
finally they became more violent and started eating away at the insides of flanders..
and finally managed to make it out.

^^

yup.
thats the sort of dream i have...
a lot...

my pessimistic-ness never proves me wrong...

2009-04-01T23:07:00.004+13:00

the bridge i walk to and from school on. taken on a particularly cloudy day.

this morning, i woke up at 6.30am

hopeful.

i knew that the chances were low.
and my natural pessimistic instincts told me so.

but still.
deep down.
i was

hopeful.

and this is exactly why i will never be an optimist >___>

needless to say,
being hopeful didn't do me any good...

so now im officially a reject of pssp..

worst thing about being a "reserve"
they treat you as if you're part of the team...
up until the point of training..
if you don't go to the training camp.
you're just not. in.

after waking up at 6.30
waiting for that phone call to determine for the last time if i was in...
i fell asleep.
and i had a dream.
that i didn't make it...
boy did i cry...
....
stupid
stupid me

i guess this is what rejection feels like.

i wonder if heart breaks feel like this...
probably worse..much worse...
god.
now i feel like complete shit.
even more than this morning.

la la la

happy thoughts...

hmmm XD
on a random note
here's my attempt at cooking for myself.
try and guess what it is!!

dun dun dun duuunnnn

its scrambled eggs and tomato's!! XD
hahaha.
i know.
it looks like shit. actual shit.
but trust me.
it actually tasted pretty good...
hmm
maybe a bit too sweet.

damn..
...
now im hungry.

insomnia strikes again

2009-03-30T02:37:00.000+13:00

just got back from camp
bruised
and sore.

....
i've somehow managed to procrastinate ALL my homework...

and now.

im procrastinating sleep.

great.
just great.

how the hell am i supposed to make it through school tomorrow?

screw it.

on another note.
i freaking
l o v e
dramione

"Metronomy - A Thing For Me" <--i love you too.

obsessively shadowing... =D

2009-03-25T21:19:00.004+13:00

god that damn chicken pie
gave me the worse diarrhea ever.
i didn't even make it to period 2 yesterday... >____>

but on another note.

i've decided to stop this nonsense.
somehow, things have just gotten way out of hand...
i need to stop.
...
but in reality
i know i cant stop.
stalking...
okay
i wouldn't call it stalking..exactly.
but man.
you have no idea just how exciting it can be.
and man.
is it addictive.

so maybe its not him making me want to stalk him...
maybe its just the whole idea of stalking him.
or the actual act of stalking itself.

just the adrenaline rush you get from stalking...
maan..
so maybe i can get over 'him'
but the whole stalking thing could take awhile..
i guess maybe i just need a new victim...
hmm.
yes.
someone new.
someone completely oblivious..
yes. i can see it now...

heh.

on another note completely

i was watching family guy the other day
and there was a scene where the guys were discussing
"if they weren't married" who would they do.
and as they were going through all the chicks.
i couldn't help but google to find exactly who they were.

peter. was like. "oh thats easy. that chick with the three boobs from total recall"
i definitely had to find out who that was.
or at least what she looked like.
XD
and man was it worth googling...

LOL XD

that. SO. made my day... haha.
thank you total recall...

for uncensored version.
just google chick with 3 boobs total recall.
haha.
apparently one of them's paper mache...
that still doesn't make much sense tho...whatever.
3 BOOBS!!

my. freakin. dignity.

2009-03-23T18:48:00.004+13:00

i. have. no. dignity.

sigh.
i always seem to do shit like that to myself.

okay.
so i was walking home from school
as i turned around
i noticed 3 korean guys from my schools.
god no they weren't hot
kinda stuck up and full of themselves
and they live in front of me.
>___>
so here i was thinking.
i don't want to have to walk with guys like them.
so i started walking faster.
trying to walk off in a cool fashion
okay.
i wouldn't say cool
but i guess i just wanted to walk off quickly.

just as i was picking up a little pace
i managed to step into a massive ditch
and stumbled around for a while
arms flailing
before falling to my knees and hands
>_____>
in front of those guys
and well.
all of the road users...
oh.
god.
my dignity.
my dignity.
why.
why.
why...
plus
it hurt like SHIT
but of course.
i couldn't just fall.
and stay there.
so i stood up fast and practically ran off.
with the blood dripping off my leg

i know
beautiful.

=D

so yeah.
thats my dignity.
out the window.

on another note.
i may die from food poisoning.
due to a lovely chicken pie me and wenyu bought today.
which definitely did not LOOK or TASTE like chicken pie. >___>

FAIL CHICKEN PIES!!come on.

its BROWN!!
chicken pie's usually WHITE
god...
and the after taste....

well.
if you don't see me tomorrow.
you'll know why...

heart goes boom.
2009-03-22T23:09:00.013+13:00

beautiful drawing by a lovely person on hitrecord.org.

funny how easily the heart decides to change its mind.
not that mine has.
but i was just thinking...
just how easy it is for it to suddenly. change.

while at the same time.
its funny how stubborn the heart can be...
how it seems to have a mind of its own.
not that mine does either.
i hope.

here's a little poem thing or just some words spread out in a particular way that i wrote sometime last year till now
in amongst all the confusion of the flurry of emotions at the time. its been tweaked with words added and taken away, all depending on how i was feeling at the time of writing.

i've always had a dislike for love.
love.
what is it anyway?
the only reason we have all these
damn confusing feelings
is because of our damned hormones
telling us to
reproduce
for the sake of survival.
i know.

when i yearn
for love,
i yearn to experience
that first kiss.
that second kiss.
that hundredth kiss.
but what can i do
when i cant even
get
that first
as much as i want to.
i just cant seem to.
part of me
is still not ready.
ready to leave this security
my comfort zone
there is simply
too much
to lose.

the thing about
relationships
is that they strip you down
to your core
strip down all your shields
and guards that you put up
your soft, pulsating insides
exposed

they.
become your clothes
and in turn.
you.
there's.
but at the same time
you are still left standing there
naked and vulnerable
vulnerable
susceptible to pain
no shields
no masks
to further hide behind
the pain is pure
and excruciatingly true
and there's nothing
you can do
except to
accept it all
whole heartedly

love.

there's nothing
you can do
to stop it.

things long due...

2009-03-19T19:19:00.009+13:00

random picture log.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
oh man.
just looking at this still makes me laugh.

a certain someone, while going to the bathroom, thought that they could balance their math text book by placing it on top of the toilet paper dispenser box.
which did.
until it decided to fall into the toilet bowl.
AFTER. this anonymous person went in it.

ahhhhhh... maan.

and that certain person is still using that text book now.

ooo
i see some "chemistry" going on here.
heh. heh. =P

ain't this adorable.
i went to great lengths to get this photo
(took it when the teacher wasn't looking)

...

don't hurt me ><

--------------------

here's some pics from davids TEA PARTY
in which he actually trusted us enough to let us CUT HIS HAIR.
haha.
i think everyone did a great job.
especially. me. *cough*
okay ... so i went a little overboard...
and possibly cut a bit too much.
but.
it turned out okay!!
ish. haha.

this is all the hair i got to cut off.
haha
HAIRY BACK!!

the crazy hair cutting girls. plus elia. he didn't do anything.
we all just basicallly took turns cutting at his hair until. well. it was short.
XD

This is how he looked just BEFORE wenyu went and decided to keep cutting at his fringe and give him the mushroom cut.
and we were actually doing a good job on his hair.

instead. he looks like this.

drew this in 5 mins to give a better idea of what he looked like.
haha.

and...

this.

i know i know.
its extremely emo.
but.
haha.
i still kinda like it. XD
see the connection of pandas?

wednesday's nights.

2009-03-11T23:32:00.002+13:00

there's just something about wednesday's. that makes me just want to.

procrastinate.

and its not exactly like i have all the free time either.

in fact. while im while wasting my precious time typing this up. i should in fact be studying for a pretty important accounting test tomorrow.
mr subramanian. or something or the rather.
oh that big bear.
oh how i fear your anger....
he's so scary that. even when i want to procrastinate. i actually do my accounting homework first. before i procrastinate >___>

maybe its the power of fear that makes you work.
that sense of anxiety mixed in with a good load of adrenaline.
knowing you have a dead line. but still putting it off till the last minute.
kind of hoping. that by some miracle, it will solve itself.
now im starting to feel slightly dejavu ish.
as im pretty sure i had this conversation before. with someone telling me the exact same thing.
i am not plagiarizing...
but yes.
that adrenaline rush. how everybody loves and hates it.
me especially.

now. instead of wasting time on this poor little neglected blog.
i probably should and could be doing some good old research on adultery. punishment. and sacrifice...
except.
i guess i just don't feel in the mood.

i guess the reason why wednesdays are so distracting are that usually. i get home late.
and. wednesday night tv is just so. good.
how could i possibly resist??
hmmm get home at 5. simpsons. then my wife and kids. neighbours (its actually alright!). friends. futurama. two and a half men & scrubs/90210. lost. CHUCK. torchwood (tonights was about a human eating shapeshifter who artificially inseminated this human. and now they're in a pregnant bella situation (breaking dawn ftw!). and well now im here. typing away.

yes. i know.
i watch way too much tv.

and yes.
you probably didn't read half the crap i wrote up there.

there's just something intimidating about large long paragraphs.

while short phrases.

like.

this.

might catch just a little bit more attention.
damn now im rambling again.
all good.
no one important reads this anyway.

x
x
x
x
good night world.
im going to do some very last minute homework now=D

<3>

oh my poor sweet neglected blog...

2009-02-28T13:33:00.002+13:00

ah.
another week is over.
i finally managed to sleep for more than 6 hours today.

and yet.
i am still so damn depressed.

lol last night i attempted to play badminton after not playing for half a year (gossip girl was on friday nights!)
and i nearly twisted my wrist. T___T
and all the little kids completely owned me. ARGH.
thats it.
im gonna start training again.

when i checked the weather a few days ago, they said that we would get a tropical thunderstorm today.
so far all i've seen is pissy rain and angry wind.
well they did get one thing right.
its bloody humid.

oh yeah.
tonight im leading games for youth.
=D
i'm going to fail so bad. what with my fail chinese and crappy game of charades (no choice as the topic was emotions) i seriously am going to fail so. so. bad.
just like last week on the drums.
argh.
oh yeah. im playing drums again this week eh? hopefully it'll be an improvement from last week. >< NO MORE STOPPING!

lol yeah. this post is completely random.
im just showing it some good old TLC.

shiit...
in 10 mins i have to go to another church to practise playing on the organ.
how. the. hell.
do i get myself into all this kind of crap.
im just asking for public humiliation.

RAAIN PINEAPPLES PLEASE!!!

ATHLETICS DAY!!

2009-02-20T22:51:00.007+13:00

woooo~

finally. another week is over.
and i managed to make it out in one piece.

although this week seemed so much more intense than the week before. >___>

either way.

athletics day. was. awesome.

first time in four years that it hasn't rained on that day. XD

haha jeremy even managed to get a mean sunburn.

LOL ><

THE RAINBOW MAN!! or woman.

the coolest girls. *looks up and down*

the new "crew" (GIRLS FTW)

basically after all the excitement.
me and wenyu decided to go asian
and pig out at the milk tea shop down the road.
it was a beautiful time of bonding.

and massive pigging out.

we each had about 8 chicken hearts and 10(or more) chicken feet.
mmm.
delicious. =D

procrastinaating... hehhhhehhhh...

2009-02-16T22:18:00.002+13:00

ahh.
supposed to be doing my maths and accounting homework.
but alas.
i noticed how empty this blog was.
so i decided.

why not update? =D

i mean.
even tho no body really reads it
and i dont really update.
this is something i started.
and im not going to give up. >=D

soooo

update in life.

best day of my life = spookers.

god.
it was awesome.
imagine being chased by a guy with a bloody chainsaw.
even I nearly pissed myself.

nearly.

umm...
so that was like...
nearly a month ago.
*whistles*
hmmm yup.

=D

what else?

uhmmm.

well school started.
and thats pretty much where my life ends.

wait wait wait.

LANTERN FESTIVAL!!!

and

VALENTINES DAY!!

lol. i'll make those into separate posts when i have some more time.

....

...

oh wow. look at the time.

time for bed
*yawn*

....
dammit.
forgot bout homework.

shit...

The Power of... Make up.

2009-01-29T01:59:00.003+13:00

WTF

>.> the power of make up and circle lens...
holy. shit.

guys. better take a second look at your girlfriends.
they might actually look like THAT. in real life.

then again. are they even the same ppl?!

PHWOAAR

2009-01-23T16:32:00.006+13:00

this blog is dedicated to all the hot people out there.

such as. nigels abs.

on tuesday, as to celebrate wenyu's return from china we decided to go to mission bay.
wow.
when she walked in.
i was like.

phwoaar. who the hell is this?

i thought that was going to be my only phwoar moment of the day.

i was wrong.

when nigel took of his shirt.

we were all simply in awe.

PHWOARR are those real?!

pictures courtesy of jacky. thanks jacky.

the "phwoaar" couple. man do they look.... bro...

after he took his shirt off. we were all pretty much running and pushing over ourselves to get pictures with him.

of course. i was the first.

with a couple of extra posers in the end.
haha.

mission bay turned out to be an extremely fun filled day.
even tho the weather was on and off.
typical auckland weather.
but we had fun anyways.

insomnia.

2009-01-22T04:53:00.001+13:00

my heart is yearning....

its 4.30am

im suffering from insomnia

im frustrated.

not because i cant sleep.
but because.

I CANT FIND A DAMN SONG...

on tuesday, mission bay trip.
i witnessed the awesomeness of couple ddr...
as i watched williams older bro james and his mate play couple.

thats where i fell in love..

with a song.

which later i found out from philip to be called "homecoming" by a string quartet group called Bond. Who basically did beautiful classical music and modernized it.

i did EVERYTHING i could to find the song.

all. fail.

i mean. it doesn't really help that the band name is called Bond.
i mean.
seriously?
all i get is freaking "james bond" constantly.
and man.
if you type in "homecoming bond" in google
you get it. literally.
"bond with your friends this homecoming..."
fail...

i cant believe limewire let me down.

limewire has literally every song by Bond. except. homecoming and atlanta
and if you type in homecoming by itself.
you get freaking kanye west.
argh.

im going insane..

the song.
it haunts me.
i yearn to hear it.
yet all i get is nothing.

i've actually resorted to listening to it on youtube. while having to watch these two skinny ass white boys dance to it...

skinny white boys ddr ing to homecoming by bond <---- =]

the one in red's pretty good. okay. blue's alright too.

you know, having watched the video a million times over and over again.
purely for the musics sake.
i couldn't help but notice the way ddr worked...
before it used to be a blur of random foot movements to me.
but now, after having to watch so many times.
they make sense.
its a series of constant repetitions. which obviously bases off the rhythm of the song.
and the tapping of their feet fit so well to the melody of the song it just made the song all the more awesomer..

okay.

im babbling.

but how can i not? when i've fallen in love with such a beautiful song.....
the amazing buildup into the climax of the song and the climax itself.
need i start on the bridge?
ahh. its just so. so. brilliant in every way.
it makes my heart yearn for it all the more.

and it makes me want to play ddr.
just so i can do this song.

maybe i will.

shit.
nearly 5am.

off i go to dream land i go.

im a lazy blogger....

2009-01-19T17:36:00.012+13:00

Sindhuja officially left New Zealand for good on saturday. so before she left, i decided i wanted to give her something special. something she'd always remember me by.

so i decided to make her a voodoo doll!

i figured it'd be the perfect way to vent out all her hidden anger. and the perfect opportunity to get in touch with my inner female.

so.
after countless nights of stabbing myself and losing the needles somewhere in my bed sheets...>___>
i managed to successfully finish, with all my fingers still intact.
quite an achievement in itself i must say.

without adoo. <-- is that how you spell it? or even say it? im pretty sure it sounds something like that....

here's the finished result =D

the voodoo doll's front half! took ages by itself...

i decided to make the most of the material. so i made it double sided XD

this side's less voodoo doll and more "i love you" doll

lol i didn't think about stitching my name on the doll until after i had finished.
so i did this awesome on top stitch thing... which kinda reads my name.
okay.
it looks retarded.
at least i tried? XD
it reads "ANNA <3" <--- my failed attempt at a sown heart.
at least it sort of looks like a heart? =D

FEEDBACK!!

even tho it looked really retarded... i kinda started to like it... a lot.
nearly couldn't give it away.

hmmm might consider making some more...

LONG BAY TRIP!!! with the ever so awesome youth group. 09

2009-01-15T01:17:00.000+13:00

the car ride there haha

last FRIDAY.
me and a bunch of people went to long bay for basically.
a bbq and some good old summer fun. XD

the delicious food we cooked

and the awesome makers themselves

and who could forget. the awesome servers.

we all even went swimming!
haha.
didn't have a bikini.... sadly.
so i made do with what i had.
the clothes on my back.
haha.

the whole gang. XD

TEAM YELLOW!!!
somehow. i dont know how. but these guys all came wearing yellow. lmao.

overall.
it was your classic. summer fun.
haha

POSER MOMENTS!!

some good old group posing. and yes. i always have the most retarded pose.

charlies asian angels. oh yeah.

oh yeah.
this.
has got to be.
THE.
hottest.
pose.
EVER.
....

oh yeah. work that pose leo. lmao.

of course. it was so hot.
we decided to all join in.

check. us. out. XD

haha.
after doing a healthy dose of posing.

i decided it was time to do some SWIMMING!! XD

look how excited i am. hahaha. me and lucien.

i never forget to pose. haha

"woo hoo" me and lucien lovin' the ocean. oh yeeeaah...
see that black blob out in the sea?
yes.
thats me.

who knew
i'd have so much fun... lol.

I.LOVE.YOU.ALLme and jess. out in the ocean. T_T i love her.

and it wasn't just me having all the fun either...

heh check out this happy gay couple.
lol.

overall.
it turned out to be a great trip.
i'd do it again in a heart beat.

(post swimming anna)
i love long bay. seriously. haha.

GOOD NIGHT WORLD!!

the best thing since john green.

2009-01-12T01:47:00.000+13:00

she.

is.

utterly.

breathtakingly.

a.mazing.

honestly?

im just in love.

with her words.

and her beautiful, beautiful mind.

most of the fics are
draco x hermione fics.

but seriously?
you don't even have to have read harry potter to admire her work.

haha.
just a short anna rambling moment.

she's exactly the kind of person i wish i could be.

to be able to express yourself.
so well. with words.
is a... beautiful tool.
she just. uses words so well.
maybe her style isn't everyone's cup of tea...

but.

it sure is mine.

she's a great artist too. very quirky style.

one day.
hopefully.
i'll be able to express myself.

just. like her.

one day.

"Because sometimes you fall in love with someone, and they fall in love with you – but you realize you just can’t be with them, not like a wife and husband can.” She sighed then, dusting her gloves off on the edge of the chair. “Not all kinds of love can be traditional. Not every person you love is going to be that fairytale. Sometimes you’re going to have to accept that you just can’t have the kind of love you were raised believing in."

segment from 'sleepwalking' by attica

p.s HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WEI HO!! big 1 6 today. i think.

good night all.

im making a statement.

2009-01-10T23:59:00.002+13:00

hi.

im anna.

and i like to wear umbrella hats.

=D

my unexpected wonderful day. XD

2009-01-06T00:40:00.015+13:00

ahhh today... was a long day.
left the house at 11am, walking to dress mart.
only to end up getting driven home by my parents at 12 by my parents.
XD

today i went shopping with esther at dressmart.
for me.
i wanted to buy myself a cheap bikini.
no jacky.
that other time doesnt count.

lol but you know...

summer time...
beaches...
hot asian guys..

...drool...

ahh.

i just wanted to at least look..... appropriate.
as i was shopping with esther.
we ended up shopping for everything and anything that was cheap. at the same time.
for her.
it was a successful shopping day.
she found jeans, a cardi, clothes for fei and wei, etc.
i... spent a total of.. 15 bucks? on two damn singlets.
not. one. bloody. bikini.
(seriously. the only good ones they had. HAD NO PADDING!!!)

....

and i also realised today.
that.

i.

am.

fat.

....

there were a lot of jean sales today...
and i couldn't wear a single damn pair properly.
because.
either they didn't have my size.
or...
it accentuated my damn fat thighs.

>____>

spongebob was right.
it does all go straight to the thighs.
T_T

meh.
i also realised.
i am a hopeless person to shop for.
even my ever so hopeful mom.
who had full intentions of buying me pretty summer dresses
gave up on me.
when she realised.
they
just.
dont.
suit.
me.
sigh.
oh how cruel the world is to anna. and her fat thighs.
why. oh why.

ARGHHRHHGHHHHHWRHHH...

my angry face. no. seriously.
....
on a lighter note.
i know how to say thank you in korean.
and my pool skills have improved.
immensely.
after playing another 2 hours.
this time in the city.
XD
i got a pro.
sue.
to teach me the right ways XD

hohohohohohohohohoho.

i even won my FIRST game XD
haha
i started off pretty crap as well.
hitting TWO of HIS balls in instead of mine... =__=||
but then.
after a few lessons by the master.
SUE
my happy winning face XD

WIN!!!XD

ahhhhhhhhh...
i was so freakin happy.
i mean dude.
first time i ever WON
now. THATS big...

man. with just ONE game of pool
and all my previous (fat) problems had disappeared.....=D

heh. heres a picture of the poor loser himself.

and SUE
and her PRO pool posture. XD
everything is 90 degrees...

All in all
it was an awesome day.
we played late into the night..
i swear.
blurry pic of chao wei, esther and sue XD
i could seriously get addicted to playing pool..
i finally understand why asians love it so bloody much.

ahh
was gonna post about some kinky stuff that happened on sunday as well..
but cant seem to load pictures.
cos. my laptops SO. DAMN. SLOW.
damn.
internet. T__T

meh...

all i can say is.
this a certain quote from someone.
lmao.

"i like to be dominated"

LOL.
XD
anyways.
its late.
im tired.

***YAS
PICTURES LOADED.
although..
they're kinda shit.
sorry. XD

use your imagination.

nights.

1 hour later...
oh wait.
i think the internet just came back.
there is hope yet for the pictures!!
D=< .... .... aaandd... it was a failure. nvm. NIGhTS.
for reals.

okay.
3 hours later.
and im STILL trying to post this bloody thing..
the font sizes keep screwing up...
like the middle section
is MASSIVE..
which is NOT normal.
...
been trying to fix it by messing round with the html.

only plus side to tonight. is.
i now know how to read html.
great.
just. great.
i think i may have to resort to beating the shit out of my bloody laptop's internet so it would work.
yes.
totally mature.
ARGH.
why.
won't.
you.
POST

btw. if you're reading this.
it obviously means it has been posted.
but.
ARGHH.

New Years Eve's pictures.

2009-01-03T19:10:00.010+13:00

lol.
i found my phone cord.
and realised i do have a lot pictures from the day. XD

firstly.
the pictures from jackie's house.
on new years eve
as a new years eve/kai leaving party thing. he decided to have a movie day at his house.
XD
we watched shaun of the dead and hot fuzz which i. of course. had already seen.
but it was fun seeing how into the movie the other guys were.

lol. i know. isn't this such a beautiful sight?
they don't acknowledge my existance as a girl anymore.....=__=

lol XD philip whispering sweet nothings into jacky's ears

JACKIES FOODTOWN UNIFORM!! (had to risk a lot just to take these photos...)
jacky thinks he looks hot. lol. i think it makes him look really grown up.

ahh nothing better than man love...

i love you jackie! i love you too jacky!

(jacky and philip arranged this...)
jacky, philip, you sick little *beep*'s

after the movies we, (jacky, philip, shannen and me) made our way to the city.
on the way out.

yes he is trying to feel up philip.

after 6 very painful games of pool,
lets not dwell into who won...,
we went back to the city for dinner.

oh yeah.
XD
philip tried to break the balls
and all he managed to do was. well this.
its a blurry picture.
but you get the point.

anyways.
yes.
dinner. at MY PARENTS restaurant.
haha.
they never paid..
so im assuming we treated them. XD
lol
they all couldn't finish.
except for me of course.
and we just sat there and reminisced on 2008. all the good bad and the weird.
was. awesome.
even managed to get wenyu. who stayed with us till 2009 XD

the gang. XD shannen, philip, jacky, and their FREE drinks.

all four of us. and philips FREE roast duck on rice dinner.

my awesome mom.

heh. my awesome photography skills.

over all.
the day turn out to be hilariously awesome.
and definitely something i would do again.
refer to previous post
on details on actual new years XD

anyways. thats it from me.
photos posted.
i have no more obligations. hurray me.
.....
mmmm i could do with some fries right about now...

GOOD NIGHT.
mmm... curry...
l.o.v.e midnight snacks.

last few days before new years...

2009-01-02T20:50:00.007+13:00

TUESDAY

okay.
i know.
its already the 2nd of january.

but as i've been an extremely lazy blogger.
im just gonna blog the whole week before new years.
in one post.

alriight!

now.
tuesday.

me my brother jo yee and jacky saw "the curious case of benjamin button"
a beautiful movie.
thats. extremely. long.
but beautiful none the less.
jo yee.
actually. cried.
after the movie we basically did some shopping. and posing.

the pictures will tell more of the story than me.

basically?
jacky just decided to join us jewellery shopping.
and got just a little TOO into character.
lmao.
i must say. he looks good with that silver headband tho.

after trying on everything. he started stalking this guy.
he stood really close to him and just stared
im surprised the guy couldn't feel it.
but. honestly.
it was hilarious.
"im watching you..."

afterwards me and jo yee just did our usual window shopping and posing. etc.

an extravigant head piece... lol

"do you think i suit balls?"

the sun hat suits this outfit. very. well.

yup. they're real pearls.
thats how pro i am.

WEDNESDAY

oh riight.
the next days new years eve...
haha.
which i spent with jacky, philip and shannen.

well.
jacky's blog "paper plain" pretty much explains it all.
link
http://spin-wheel.blogspot.com/

other minor details would pretty much be...
after the countdown.
we decided to jump into a huge jumping mob of ppl.
you know. join in.
lol.
big mistake.
okay sure. it was fun at first. hugging random strangers, dancing, screaming happy new year.
but when you started getting, attacked. okay. no... surrounded.
by a mob of indian guys who suddenly all want hugs. it gets scary.
its like. i stop hugging one guy.
only to have another standing behind him with his arms wide open.
>.>
they were sweaty. and indian. with that vivid indian man smell...
which i could handle. i guess.
but what made me leave.
was when they started kissing me (cheeks) and touching me in slightly inappropriate places.
most likely not intentional.
but i wasnt taking any chances.
so i grabbed the crew, and left.
lol
it was scary. but. hilarious.
and definitely something i'd remember for a long time.
haha.
but. i did feel really joyous.
it was the first time i'd ever REALLY celebrated the new years.
it.
was.
exhilerating.
and i am definitely doing it again. this year.
hahaha.

i just realised i have quite a few pictures...
meh. cant find my phone cord again.
i'll do it later.

anyways.
to all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
i love you all. XD

hope you guys had as much fun as i did. lol.

MONDAY!!

2008-12-30T23:18:00.010+13:00

lol esther actually rung me up to remind me to update my blog.
yesterday.
needless to say. its a day late.
sorry.
(lol. 5 days later. i post this. MY BAD)
the whole gang. in or awesome karaoke room.

jess, jeremy and esther. haha. the only picture they would show their faces in.
esther.

esthers having fun XD

kai was really pro at karaoke. lmao.
kai and jerry doing a duet!
now joey had this thing where whenever "his song" came up. he would jump to a corner and start belting his heart out...
>.>

"my song. back off."
the whole gang!!
joey, jess, esther, alicia, me, chao wei, esther, jeremy, jerry, kai.

overall. it was fun.
i even surprised myself when i realised that i could actually SING a few asian songs... >.>
courtesy of my beautiful angela and her constant singing during our phone calls...
i actually recognised some asian songs.
ah.
i miss her.
so. much.

lol kai and jerry. the unlikely couple, doing some nice last minute posing.
aren't they cute. :P

awesome weekends. =D

2008-12-29T02:12:00.009+13:00

me with the two gays. jerry and chao wei. taking advantage of free refills.

i've been waiting about 5 hours to post this blog.
as... i couldn't find my phones usb cord... therefore was unable to load any pictures.
so i decided. screw it.
wont blog till i find it.
it also so happened that i trashed my room today...looking for my drum sticks.
which... as luck may have it.
were at church. all along =D
joy.
anyways.
i knew the cord was somewhere. amongst the mess.
but seriously?
i couldn't be bothered.
at least not while "supersize me" and "blair witch project" were on.
which i guess. is the main reason for my delay... not that it really matters.
i guess i just felt like. talking.

anyways. back to the blog.
oh yes.

Saturday.
lovely saturday.
i watched madagascar 2 in the city with kai and my brother!
lol the movie was hilarious. in that. cartoon sort of way i guess.
it was just funny. it made me laugh. i liked it.
and from the sound of the laughters beside me. kai and my brother thoroughly enjoyed it as well. XD

then kai met my mom.
where she pretty much thoroughly harrassed me in front of him.
she whipped me with her cell phone neck strap thing!
yes. this is my mom we're talking about.
and she called me uncle anna T_T
..... my mom ... sometimes. seriously.
the problem is that she's so... young looking. in a good way.
ppl look at her. then they look at me. and they're shocked im her daughter.
usually because she looks too young to have had such an OLD daughter.
PPL EVEN THOUGHT WE WERE SISTERS.
now thats just...
....
a line that cannot be crossed.
RAAAWRRR

okay off topic.

Saturday. apart from being harrassed by mom, movie day. also happend to be my non related distant cousin Joey's 21st birthday party.
which he held at avondale's paradice.

haha. going there brought back memories...
remember
this?!

ahahaha...
maan.
im pretty sure that was the last time most of us were at avondale paradice....
and you should be experiencing a huge dose of nostalgia around about.
now.
cos i am..
so much has changed.... sigh. saving the reminscing for new years eve.

anyways.
this time i was there with a whole different crew..
lol these were some of the awesome people i went ice skating with. XD
the only white guy.
standing there at the back?
he's like a pro swimmer dude.
i think he swims for nz... not sure. XD didn't pay much attention.

anyways.
at ice skating.
we did the usual. skate.
but half way through. joey introduced us to a game called boom ball.
or at least thats what i think he called it...
it basically was ice hockey, soccer styles. ish.
we went on ice with shoes, knee pads, elbow pads and these brush stick thingies.
the objective was to get it into the goal. as most games are.

lol. you have no idea just how hard it is to run around in shoes. on ice.
i fell so many times. i lost count.
bruised my whole body just trying to get to the damn ball...
joey scraped his nipple when he fell forward and skidded forward a bit on ice...
>.>

seriously blurred pictures... it was hard taking pictures while ice skating ><

others. were smart.
took advantage of their knee pads and skidded around with it.
mind you. this game was mostly guys. i think i was the only girl left playing 10 mins into the game.
it was fun.
but so tiring. and painful.
so eventually. i gave up and went off to play by myself.
melissa, church mate, discovered that we could use the knee pads as slides.
so by running a bit then faling to your knees. you would skid all the way to the otherside of the rink XD
joey came up with something cooler. by pulling me along while i sat on my knees while i holding on to the he broom stick thing.
o.m.gsh.
it was so much fun.
it was a free sleigh ride!!

>< Jess <--bestie!!, esther and mavis. all from church.

me and the birthday boy joey XD yeah. thats how pro we are.

after ice skating we basically just went to mc donalds and pigged out.

omgsh.
did you know they actually DO do free refills at mc donalds?
well the one we went to at least.
hence the picture at the very top.
of us three taking advantage of the refills XD

yeah. we're asian.

well.
i was gonna post sunday up as well.
but. im dead.
and i can handle only so much of C4's insomnia.....
the music starts getting really random at around 3...
a sign that i should probably sleep.
now.

anyways.
good nights. to all XD

The joys of christmas day...

2008-12-26T23:48:00.008+13:00

There was one thing that i really wanted this christmas.
and for once in my life.
i actually got it. XD

a christmas dinner.

a real one.

lol. i guess the one at alastairs wasn't really what you called a christmas dinner... it was more like a gourmet dinner...which was great all the same.
although the things we did together before, during and after definitely felt the part.
it was lonely not having my two best friends there. wenyu and angela both being in china.
but the guys made it fun. XD
especially all them doing their usual gay things together.
it was awesome.

as proof. some pictures from the party. courtesy of jacky.

So. Thank you asian group. For a great christmas themed night of mass hysteria and fun XD

anyways.
on with my REAL christmas dinner. XD

turns out.
we were going to go have dinner with my european grandma and some other relatives from that side.

i.
was.
ecstatic.

this was a real family christmas dinner.
the ones where you would meet up with family and relatives you hadn't seen for months on end.
and then, you would reconnect with, with the usual family christmas dinner.
my parents even left their posts to be at the dinner.
now. that.
was a christmas miracle.

the night was awesome.
we had christmas ham, turkey, salads and potato salads.
christmas cakes and desserts.
i ate till my stomach couldn't handle any more. XD

after that.
i pretty much sat and caught up with my cousins. as we did every year.

we also measured ourselves.
on the door of this cupboard.
its pretty much a family tradition that we do every year at my grandmas..

I GREW 2 cm's!!!!!!!!!! XD

Aaron, Joshua, Aliza, Me, Jeremy
to the very left is uncle michael, dad of josh, aaron and aliza and to the very right is graham my grandpa XD

My dad and his sister XD [aunty caroline, grandpa and my dad]

Great aunty christine and great uncle frank (my grandma's brother) and their daughter my aunty ruth.

ooo. XD this is my swedish uncle, uncle thomas. he's married to aunty ruth.

haha. my two grandma's. XD in otherwords. my dad's mums...

this picture took us ages. josh has no idea how to pose like an asian. tsk. XD but dont we look cool XD
me and my favourite little cousin aliza XD love her to bits!

originally, we had bought our sony camera. but. my mom forgot to let it charge. so it had no battery =.=
so i had to use my crappy 3.2 megapixel camera instead.
lol which is why its so blurry..
sorry. T_T

after dinner, we walked over to my cousins and we played cranium. lol. which was pretty fun XD
all till midnight.

and that.
is my awesome christmas day.
and i guess.
now. i know what makes christmas christmas. (refer to earlier post)
its.
love and family. XD
okay.. corny i know. but it is family and love really do make christmas, christmas. XD
so guys.
i hope you guys spent your christmas with the ones you love...
it is them that has really made my christmas worth it this year.

with christmas coming to an end.
i guess it suddenly occurred to me, how much fast time has been moving. and just how much has happened this year...
with only a few days to go before the end of the year... i really want to make the most of 2008.
it has been. a great year.

ahhh...
i'll save the reminiscing for the 31st. XD

good night all.

P.S
WENYU. or ANGELA if you're reading this.
i love you.
heh.

PARTY DAY!!! XD jo yee's 16th.

2008-12-22T23:49:00.001+13:00

[classic anna asian pose]

Today. Was an eventful day.
and i don't think i ever want to walk. again. >.>

it started off early.
with my dad giving me and my brother each $100 bucks to buy christmas presents for all you guys >.>
well. actually more like for all you girls.
sorry guys. i ran out of money... ^^;;
But thats besides the point.

Today. was Jo Yee's BIRTHDAY!! (party)
which i must say, turned out pretty damn fun.
it was an all girls party, which i thought i would mind at first... until i saw the girls.
heh.
damn. i just realised i forgot to take pictures.. dammit. meh oh wells. XD
i played hero and helped all the helpless girls who didn't know how to skate on ice. mwohohohohoho. XD they love me.
haha.
and besides them i also made friends with a couple of australians my age.
and this little girl. ><
maaan. she was so damn cute.
and actually gave me a hug. *sniff*

but besides all the cute girls there were...
deep down inside i still hoped for some eye candy.
you know?
just as i was about to give up.
a group of guys joined the skating rink.
i was pretty much singing "halleluja!"
haha XD
there was this one asian guy in green...
he was pretty alright looking.
and a serious pro at ice skating.
haha. basically just used him for eye candy.
hoho.
i caught him staring at me a few times.
heh.XD
cos im just that awesome. lmao.

lol. other than that.
i think i fell down about 4 times while ice skating.
half the time was while i was "attempting" to dance to the music.
serious fail.
but massive fun.
you guys should seriously try it...
as i couldn't really move the legs much. i managed to get this whole ass swinging, mass arm movement dance thing sorted XD
and i must say.
i looked awesome.
at least i think thats why everyone was staring...
haha either way. it was a lot of careless fun.
XD we all just went round and round and round dancing and singing.
now that.
is a great. girls day out. XD

After getting her fair share of presents me and jo yee went over to sylvia park.
where i had to ditch her halfway to quickly buy her, her birthday present >.>
after running back and fourth from the warehouse and the cd dvd store.
i finally managed to buy her a plain white tee's album.
$30 *cry*

we pretty much spent about 5 hours in total at sylvia park shopping.
lol.
doing some choice posing along the way. XD

i wish i could've worn this at ice skating.
that would have DEFINITELY caught mr green shirts attention XD

while i was at the 2 dollar store.
there were so many things i wanted to buy for the asian crew...
bunny ears for philip.
a monkey for ryan.
a pink bunny for kai.
big red lips for william lmao.
a "jingle my balls" santa shirt from supre for jacky
etc
etc
except... i ran out of money... oh well..

maybe next time XD

oh my gosh.
at the warehouse.
they sold this dinosaur which you could ride.
omgsh.
when you fed it. it would make noises and eat the leaf.
IT EVEN WAGGED ITS TAIL!!!

maan.
childrens toys these days...

haha.
by the time i got home.
i pretty much died.
but not before posting this.
overall..
it was definitely an eventful day...

rock out. XD

Mission Bay Trip!! (pictures down below!!)

2008-12-22T22:39:00.000+13:00

Okay. this is pretty much purely for the sake of wenyu.
just so you know. you can stalk me online. =D
anyways.
Wednesday, the day after you left, was when we all went to mission bay.
i woke up that morning pretty excited... i even wanted to wear shorts.
but the weather outside was actually starting to look pretty shit.
i mean there were like angry grey clouds threatening rain on us.
so i decided to stick with my classic skinny jeans. which i end up regretting later...

Since the weather was turning bad on us, i thought maybe we could just cancel and watch a movie instead.
but.
emily, haley and terina were all determined to go to the beach.
so me and jacky just followed along.
lol surprisingly the weather wasn't actually that bad when we got there.
so we actually went to play on the beach. XD
this where i went a little mental and started messing around by the water.
even tho i had sneakers socks and jeans that i knew would most likely get wet.
which they did.
and straight after that happened. the grey angry clouds caught up with us and started spitting at us. literally. spitting.
so we ran for the nearest shelter.
across the street. at movenpick (crap. i have no idea how to spell that place)

che. well. since we were there.
we all decided to get ice creams ooo the lady let us try samples of some of the flavours.
jacky. that greedy git actually asked to sample ALL the flavours. >.>
we all just stood there pretending we didn't know him....
ooo did you know they give away free water there?? =D
its soooo awesome man. XD
i had the the chocolate supreme one. (thats not the name.... but it did have a lot of chocolate in it) there was like this MASSIVE piece of chocolate stuck right in the middle of my ice cream.
i had a hard time eating it as it was so bloody cold especially when i tried to bite down on it.
but meh. i finished it either way. tasted. bloody. awesome XD

ahh anyways.
by the time we finished. the weather FINALLY let up.
so we went back to the beach to play.
XD
jacky the pussy finally decided to join us
and took off his chucks and managed to roll up his skinny jeans to just above his ankles.
which i must say.
looks completely hilarious on him LMAO.
heres a pic.

well. yeah. we had fun.
the pictures can speak for themselves.
XD

lol this is where they tried to throw me into the ocean!
heh.
but my manly strength overpowered them.

after the beach we basically went back to the city, got pizza and ate in the aotea square.
with me and terina belting out christmas carols and katy perry XD
we were so high on pizza we even tried busking on the streets by singing carols.
too bad a group of islanders were one step ahead of us and did dancing as well... T.T
lol.
didn't stop us from singing anyways. or well. me at least.
haha.
afterwards.
we did some shopping before finally everyone left...

thats pretty much when the fun stops.

>.> my mom basically forces me to work at the restaurant with her. as repayment for a $5 bag she bought me. D=

this is where i accidentally order someone Combination Fried RICE Noodle instead of Combination Fried Noodle. *Cry*
such. a failure.
*sob*
i basically am forced to work 3 hours, during RUSH hour, before im finally let to go...

then she said she wouldn't pay me. cos i was "in training"
*sob*
i wonder how i'd do in a real job?

Christmas... 7 days away. and counting...

2008-12-18T23:58:00.000+13:00

Christmas...
And the fundamental question that lies with it.

Is Santa Real?!

okay no. not that one.
i found out the answer to that one a long time ago. a bit earlier than i had hoped. but meh. a childs innocence isn't really something you can protect anymore nowadays.

anyways.
the real question is.

What makes christmas, christmas?

the presents?

the food?

the decoration?

snow?

i don't know anymore...

christmas is one of those holidays that i really want to celebrate.
considering i barely got to celebrate halloween this year...
so this year
i really want to get into the christmas spirit!

but. alas.
no matter how hard i try.. it doesn't seem to be sinking in yet...
i've put up decorations. made a playlist. planned presents and everything!
but... i dunno.

I BLAME AMERICA
and their perfect snow covered christmas's.

i really want what they have.
a white christmas, snowmen and all.
having all the family over, from the crazy grandmas to the lesbian aunty...
and the food. oh that christmas ham and turkey. (okay so thats thanksgiving. whatever)
oh and not to forget the huge christmas tree with a decorated house to match and the presents. yes the presents.
who could forget. christmas morning. waking up early to a pile of presents...

but in the end...
i guess. its the family that makes christmas christmas.
i just wish.. my family could do that.
but considering the restaurants open christmas day....
ah. joy.

good night all.

xxx <3

wow. look what procrastination led me to....

2008-12-04T22:12:00.000+13:00

okay.

so i never really planned to start my own personal blog etc.
but as i was doing my thing. procrastinating.
i saw esther and jess's pages.
lol to jess's. its so cute. im gonna start becoming a frequent visitor.
and yours too esther. =P

anyways.
i figured
you know what?
why not?

so here it is... =D

theres still a lot of sprucing up to be done.
but. meh. its alive.

anyways.
while im here. might as well blog.

this saturday.
man.
i just realised how much i had to do and how little time i had.
and crap my msn is flashing 8 ppl. argh.
lol nvm.
i feel an exhilaration. knowing that im needed.
and pain as i worry about expectations.

as they do.

ahh.
where to find helium....
XD
anyways i look forward to saturday and my failed attempts at being a waiter.
as long as i get to wait table 13 im fine. XD

...
you know what i cant be bothered with fancy lettering and colours.
so i'll leave it as it is.

<3