9/11

tonight, for the first time in many, many years, my family went out for dinner.

together.

and, i realised exactly why we didn't do it more often.

as i sat there watching my family make orders, i felt like i was watching some horrible asian family drama on tv.

my dad, insisted to get deep fried crab balls.

while my mum argued we shouldn't. as she and my brother were allergic.

meanwhile my grandparents sat there oblivious, adding more food to our already long list of food to come, and my brother sat next to me whining about how no one could hear him as he asked for the tenth time to eat some korean looking dish.

you could feel the tension in the air as things went from bad to worse..

these were all little things really, so little i barely would notice them at home on the rare occasions my family did eat together.

but it felt like, since we in public, every move we made was amplified.

and it was more than just simply ordering a wrong set, but rather i knew that my family was practically at our breaking point.

my parents were both stressed beyond breaking point, and my grandparents were still mourning, while my brother was simply growing more and more into a twat.

i wasn't any better.

and i knew, one wrong move, and we'd all snap.

as my dad began to grow annoyed as he couldn't get his crab balls, i could see in my mum's eyes how close she was to cracking.

when my grandma began lecturing him on the unhealthiness of the crab balls, it only made things worse.

looking for a distraction, i turned to my parents and asked them whether or not they would attend my prize giving tomorrow night.

well, it was less used as a distracting device but rather something that had been on my mind for quite a while now

so, i asked, even though i already knew the answer..

and although i expected what they were going to say, i still couldn't seem to stop tears from welling up inside when i heard it.

im such a pussy.

...

unfortunately, my dad noticed too, and said he would try..

but, selfishly, it wasn't enough.

i really wanted both of them..

in my own selfish way, i wanted them both to see my achievements just to reassure myself that i wasn't disappointing them.

but in so many ways... i already had.

and wonderfully, my failed distraction device only added to the tension bringing myself down as well.

brilliant.

deep down inside, it was all i could do to stop myself from yelling...

but i knew, from so many experiences, it never helps.

as much as i wanted to throw my own hissy fit, i couldn't help but remember just what we were celebrating today..

my grandma's birthday.

she initially didn't want to do anything, she was still mourning silently over the death of her eldest child to cancer..an uncle i never got to meet..

so i knew, i couldn't let this night go bad. regardless of how i felt.

i couldn't let my family snap now.

so i joined my mum's attempts to control the situation, making myself the bigger man and tried to piece things together.

and amazingly, like adding oil to fire, the positive feeling ignited within the rest of my family members and slowly we regained consciousness of just where we were and why.

thankfully, when the food came, that pretty much shut most of us up.

and as it turns out, all we really needed was to satisfy our empty stomachs.

which, remarkably lightens up the mood quite a bit.

you know...

after writing all this.

i dont even know what the point of this post was..

i remember feeling so annoyed in the beginning.

but now..

quite indifferent.

..

well.

ain't i awesome.

i just used up 45minutes of studying time to ramble about nothing.

if anyone makes sense of this post, please tell me.

but technically you all should be studying instead of reading peoples blogs.

tsk tsk.