my pessimistic-ness never proves me wrong...

the bridge i walk to and from school on. taken on a particularly cloudy day.

this morning, i woke up at 6.30am

hopeful.

i knew that the chances were low.
and my natural pessimistic instincts told me so.

but still.
deep down.
i was

hopeful.

and this is exactly why i will never be an optimist >___>

needless to say,
being hopeful didn't do me any good...

so now im officially a reject of pssp..

worst thing about being a "reserve"
they treat you as if you're part of the team...
up until the point of training..
if you don't go to the training camp.
you're just not. in.

after waking up at 6.30
waiting for that phone call to determine for the last time if i was in...
i fell asleep.
and i had a dream.
that i didn't make it...
boy did i cry...
....
stupid
stupid me

i guess this is what rejection feels like.

i wonder if heart breaks feel like this...
probably worse..much worse...
god.
now i feel like complete shit.
even more than this morning.

la la la

happy thoughts...

hmmm XD
on a random note
here's my attempt at cooking for myself.
try and guess what it is!!

dun dun dun duuunnnn

its scrambled eggs and tomato's!! XD
hahaha.
i know.
it looks like shit. actual shit.
but trust me.
it actually tasted pretty good...
hmm
maybe a bit too sweet.

damn..
...
now im hungry.