the irony of life

a while back i was going to do a post about my life.
as it was back then.

what made it so significant was that
back then.
at that moment in time.
i was...

happy.

things were going well for me.
i was getting excellence for all my grades..
then there was that prize giving dinner...
there were no complications in life.
and i was ...
happy with myself.

but alas...
my inner pessimist was never far away.
as i constantly thought that...
perhaps.
i was too happy.

you know as they say...
you can never have too much of a good thing...
as paranoid as it sounds..
i was constantly thinking that.
this.
this happiness.
was soon going to be replaced by something.
horrible...
you know.
to balance things out.

soon i began to dread the happiness that i felt..
i just kept thinking that the greater my happiness was...
the higher i was....
the harder i was going to fall...

i was destroying myself with this paranoia...
so finally.
for a while...i decided to ignore it..
hoping that i hadn't jinxed myself.
from thinking so negatively..
i mean.
why cant someone be happy and not pay any consequence?

and i've been contented with life...

until today.

here i was... having a pretty good day.
i had a maths exam that went reasonably well.
i played an alright squash game.
and monday's meant my favourite tv shows were on...

but of course as i've learnt the hard way.. again and again...
good things never last long.

...

i lost my cellphone

...

sigh.

i don't even have the energy to describe what im feeling right now....
i've called everyone and everything i could possibly call.
done everything... i could possibly.
...
all i can do is hope.
...
but really.
what is the point in hoping?
i mean, you're just building yourself up
to only be hurt even more.

so maybe i should just act as if its gone already.
that theres no way i could possibly get it back.
that everything on my phone... is as good as lost.

but isn't it funny though.
how incompetent i feel... without a phone.
since when had i become so dependent on this small electronic object?
oh god.

....

happy thoughts.

happy thoughts...

...

oh fuck it.

the strange psyche of a procrastinator...

isn't it funny how as soon as you finish one exam
you feel as if.
you suddenly have an excuse to relax...
to procrastinate.

its like a fat kid treating themselves to a piece of cheese after doing one lap.
in the end.
you don't really achieve anything...

....

meh.
realising this isn't going to change anything.
i guess.
you can't really do anything.
except. to embrace it.

and damn well am i going to embrace it.

too much sleep syndrome...

i don't know.
maybe its because i've been living off 6 hours of sleep for the past few years of my life
or something like that
but i just cant seem to stop sleeping.

for instance.
just today.
i managed to take a four hour nap...
which is actually a huge waste of time.
if you think about it.

amazingly, it wasn't of waste.
while i was sleeping, i was supposed to be planning games for my youth group this week...
so when i fell asleep...
i was thinking.
oh. shit. now im never going to get anything done.

but something amazing happened.

i predicted the future. =]

sort of.

i had one of those "you think you're awake but you're actually still sleeping" dreams,
in which i thought i finally managed to wake up from my massive sleep attack
and started doing my work.
so i managed to plan the game for my youth... in my sleep.

i know.
im.
freakin.
awesome.
XD

haha.

needless to say.
i was extremely thankful.
maybe it was a sign from God.
either way.
im thankful.

but this still doesn't hide the fact that i can't seem to stop sleeping...
i feel like.
i could sleep forever.
if i could..

but im pretty sure that wouldn't be sleep anymore.
it'd be a full on coma.

so i decided.
what better way to figure this out?
than to google it.

so i typed in "too much sleep syndrome"
and it surprisingly gave me. a good link.

Sleep disorders involve any difficulties related to sleeping, including difficulty falling or staying asleep, falling asleep at inappropriate times, excessive total sleep time, or abnormal behaviors associated with sleep.

which is where i discovered
a disorder called
Psychophysiological insomnia

which has absolutely nothing to do with my too much sleep syndrome.
but i guess it has something to do with the way everyone else is living...

so. it is a disorder.

in which people actually create... insomnia. for themselves.
where it becomes not a neurological disorder. but more of a psychological one...
as if we didn't already have enough troubles of our own...
which really gets me thinking...
that we are so screwed up, that we actually create disorders for ourselves. to suffer from...

i really don't get humans.

maybe i need more sleep.


P.S - i always thought narcolepsy meant that the person suffering from it basically suffered from sleeping a lot. but as it turns out... they actually don't sleep for long periods, instead they have episodes of sudden daytime sleeping ("sleep attack"), usually preceded by drowsiness.


screw it.

im going back to sleep.

things that make me smile

i was looking through my phone pictures.
and i realised i had accumulated a lot of random photos.
and when i say random
i mean random XD

for instance.

i love chinese to english translations.
hahaha
just as me and joanne were discussing today..
they.
are.
hilarious.

"don't five three five four laaaaa~" - Joanne

hilarious.

i walked past this sign in tai ping
and just smiled.

lovely.

i guess it is pretty furry. XD

another thing that makes me smile.

Dhanish.

my favourite scrawny black kid.

and... his awesome awesome locker lock.

locker number included as proof.

entirely unfeminine in any way ... *cough*

Another thing i love
jo yee...

she always does the silliest things with me...
and is part of the reason my phone is so full with random pictures.

only she. (actually possibly a few others might...)
would do this with me.

and help me look like a pedophile...

(i know! i actually do look like a pedo!!)

now if i could only get her to read my blog....

on another note.

i love you tracy!!!

haha.
special mention just for you...
(sorry for strangling you. i just was just extremely excited to see you... ><)

i don't have any recent pictures with you though... unfortunately.
so here's one i hope you remember from a few years ago. XD hahaha.
i hope you still have that ring..

ahh..

on another note..
quite a random note actually.
i realised that i bruise extremely easily....
its kind of freaking me out actually....

>__>

i just seem to be constantly getting new bruises everyday....
i recently got a bruise from diving to my knees a few times from playing squash.
dont ask.
and so.... as most asians do.
i rubbed it to spread the bruise??
apparently thats what you're supposed to do??
but then the next day.. the bruise got even bigger...
so maybe.. im doing something wrong...

would show pictures...
but... they ain't pretty.

and got another bruise today above that bruise from accidentally hitting myself with the racket...

guess im just way too accident prone XD