i. hate. procrastination

the holidays have come to, what seems, an abrupt end.

well.

for me at least.

and ironically...
low and behold.
i procrastinated ALL my holiday homework
til now of course.

it never quite hits you
until exactly that last minute where you realise for sure that you CANT do it
thats where the adrenaline starts to pump
and suddenly you turn into superman.
or at least try to..

actually it goes both ways.

you either become an extreme optimist or an extreme pessimist.
and sometimes.
both.

you either believe in all your might you can do it. even though its almost physically impossible...
or you believe in all your might that you cant.
in which you just sigh in defeat.
and take a nap.
or something.

in my case... im thinking minimalistic
do what i need to.
no more
no less
and hope to dear God, that i can finish.

all in all.

procrastination

is

a

big

fat

slutty

bitch.




that. i know for sure.

oh. wow.

maan..
i havent blogged in ages..
guess with all my assignments at the end of last term was probably the reason.

you'd think that with the start of the holidays i'd have more time.
wrong.
first of all there was easter camp.
then the constant going out.
it felt good having something to constantly do ...
it was an excuse i used for myself when my homework wasn't done..
i was already pre occupied with something else.

then.
today.
my first day sleeping in....
it was... amazing..
my dreams were. intense. as usual.

speaking of dreams.

on sunday, i had a dream that i was in the simpsons world.
the simpsons had gone off on a holiday trip somewhere... i think canada.
and flanders happened to be there too.
except for some reason. he had a bad reaction and turned into a werewolfe.

thats where the happy la la land stops.

here's me, dreaming in simpsons style, of about 9 different killings all done by flanders while he was a werewolfe.
each one becoming more and more ruthless.
thats when the whole town decides to leave town... because there was a killer on rampage.
but for some reason the simpsons decide to stay.

i blame homer because he's an idiot half the time.

anyway.
so. one day... lisa was playing outside in the snow.
when flanders spots her.
now since everyone had left town
he was really hungry.
and when he spotted lisa. he thought of her as the perfect kill.
just as he was about to make his move... lisa noticed.
and began to run for it.
this is where it turns into a video game... a bit like grand theft auto...
and then for some reason flanders becomes the devil...
and makes a deal with marge not the eat lisa after she show'd him her baby pictures.
instead.
he decided to eat bart.
and when homer tried to do something about it.
he ate homer too.

unluckily for flanders.
since he was so hungry. he forgot to chew.
leaving both those guys alive in there.
so they came up with a plan to annoy the heck out of flanders by jumping on his bladder.
making him have to go pee pee a lot.
finally they became more violent and started eating away at the insides of flanders..
and finally managed to make it out.

^^

yup.
thats the sort of dream i have...
a lot...

my pessimistic-ness never proves me wrong...

the bridge i walk to and from school on. taken on a particularly cloudy day.

this morning, i woke up at 6.30am

hopeful.

i knew that the chances were low.
and my natural pessimistic instincts told me so.

but still.
deep down.
i was

hopeful.

and this is exactly why i will never be an optimist >___>

needless to say,
being hopeful didn't do me any good...

so now im officially a reject of pssp..

worst thing about being a "reserve"
they treat you as if you're part of the team...
up until the point of training..
if you don't go to the training camp.
you're just not. in.

after waking up at 6.30
waiting for that phone call to determine for the last time if i was in...
i fell asleep.
and i had a dream.
that i didn't make it...
boy did i cry...
....
stupid
stupid me

i guess this is what rejection feels like.

i wonder if heart breaks feel like this...
probably worse..much worse...
god.
now i feel like complete shit.
even more than this morning.

la la la

happy thoughts...

hmmm XD
on a random note
here's my attempt at cooking for myself.
try and guess what it is!!

dun dun dun duuunnnn

its scrambled eggs and tomato's!! XD
hahaha.
i know.
it looks like shit. actual shit.
but trust me.
it actually tasted pretty good...
hmm
maybe a bit too sweet.

damn..
...
now im hungry.